Airline!
by wwwwwww
Summary: It seemed like a good idea to Marth at the time. Sending his fellow swordsmen and one kid to get a job is a good thing, right? Right? Decide for yourself as four certain Smashers go through ups and downs working at the local airport! Finished!
1. The Bored Supremacy

Author's Notes: Hello again! Sorry I haven't been on the site much lately. I'm actually been busy for once. And I've finally figured out the whole 'html' thing. Whoop-dee-dingle-doo! I'm hoping this story won't be as random as 'Surviving the States', but what can I say, it's hard to control. Not to mention that I'm watching Megas XLR right now so that's not helping.

It's another trio swordsmen story! I'm going to have another character with them so I don't ignore the others. I try to have them in as much as possible. I just like writing stories with the three swordsmen in them, yep.

Roy- Hey, look! We're in another fic!

Marth- By whom? Let me see… ::looks at the author:: Aw, not you again!

What?

Link- ::rolls eyes::

What? What did I do? What?

---

The day was going by as slow as a drunken snail. It seemed like everyone had somewhere to be, somewhere to go. Yet a few had stayed behind.

The few that had nothing to do. They had no job. They had no life. Their lives revolved around playing video games and making slushies everyday at noon. But the enjoyment that was beating your fellow Smasher into a pulp by Jigglypuff was slightly less enjoyable than slushies. Slightly.

"You dumb finger!" cried frustrated Roy. "Go in the freakin' nose!"

Roy was becoming peeved with the game that was 'Wario Ware, Inc.: Mega Party Games' on the little black box they referred to as _the _Gamecube. Yes, _the_ Gamecube. As the finger moved from left to right below the giant nose, Roy would then tap the "A" button on the controller when the finger was right under the nostril. But just as the finger moved under the nostril, it would move just as Roy pressed the button.

Roy sighed and set down the black controller in defeat. "It just wasn't meant to be."

--

The glow from the TV created a calming sensation as the football player tackled the other and broke his fibula.

Link and his counterpart, Young Link, were sitting on a cerulean couch in the living room. They were shouting at the TV of course, trying to make the tiny people on the screen listen to them. For some reason, it wasn't working.

"You idiot! You tackled your own teammate!" Link jumped up and shouted, smacking the TV once on the side.

"Yeah! That was a strike!" Young Link jumped off of the couch and onto Link's back. Link choked.

After he finished choking, the Hylian replied, "Young Link… There are no strikes in football."

The young blond pondered on this. No strikes in football? "Really?"

"Heck if I know! I don't understand this game anyway!" Link shoved his younger self off his back and onto the couch before sitting beside him.

"Then, why are we watching it?" Young Link asked.

"I dunno. Just seemed like the manly thing to do." Link stared at the remote for a moment. "I know! Let's watch the news!"

"Yeah! That's WAY manlier than football!" cried Young Link. He received a strange glare from his older self.

Link pressed a few buttons on the gray remote and the sports channel changed to the news. A woman with thick black glasses black dress sat at a tan news table. Papers were in front of her. She picked them up, shuffled them a bit, adjusted her glasses, and shrieked, "WHERE'S MY LATTE?!"

"Um, ma'am, we're on." A voice behind the camera kindly reminded the spazzing woman.

The news lady turned an interesting shade of pink. "Oh! Um… Welcome to Channel 14 News! Afternoon edition!"

Spiffy music played as the woman smiled cheesily and winked.

"YAY!" screamed Young Link. "YOU GO, NEWS LADY!"

"Thank you!" replied the news lady. Young Link became frightend and looked to Link for support. "I'm Martha Stewart and it's my first day on the job since I've been to the clinic! YAY! Oh… Anyway, let's go to Garfield Feildgar for the sports!"

The camera view switched to Garfield. He was a stout man with a football helmet on his head. No one was quite sure why. "Thank you, Ms. Stewart! On today's---"

"Missus." Martha retorted from off screen.

"Excuse me, my mistake, _Mrs._ Stewart… Missus?" Garfield apologized then questioned. He didn't want to ask. "Uh, anyway, today was a wonderful day for sports! The Walrus's beat the Ents today twenty-three zippola in football this morning. As for the injury report: Martin Klutz of the Ents, broken fibula. Back to you, Martha!"

The camera switched back to Martha, who in turn was grinning like her teeth were glued together with rubber cement.

"Thanks, Mr. Feildgar. And now for the crime report." Martha alleged. "The local mini mart on Oak was robbed today around three a.m. this morning. There were only two witnesses at the scene who requested their names remain anonymous. They provided us with a description of the culprit. Eye color: blue. Hair color: golden blond. He appeared to be wearing what seemed to be a green dress and hat, blue earrings, and had long pointed ears. Objects stolen: hair conditioner, shampoo, a pack of peanuts, one lollipop, underw---"

Link covered Young Link's ears. "M-Maybe we'll watch something else."

--

"Roy… what are you doing?"

Marth leaned on the doorway. He watched as the younger swordsman "danced" furiously on a giant mat with arrows pointing each direction. The TV in front of him showed a number of arrows going up the left side of the screen at high-speed, as well as fast-paced techno music. Roy's face was turning bright red as he moved his legs as fast as he could in sync with the arrows onscreen.

The techno music ended shortly. Roy emitted a cry of exhaustion and collapsed on the floor.

"Ah, I see." Marth left the doorway in search of a room where terribly fast techno music was absent.

The blue-haired swordsman traveled down the hallway in search of his other swordsman buddy. Surely Link had to be around somewhere. Marth hadn't got far down the hallway before he started to hear shouts and cries from a room farther down. He wandered to the outside of where the room was. The shouts were clearly heard.

"I'M TELLING YOU IS WAS THE ALIENS THAT DID IT! THE ALIENS!"

"Shut up, doppelganger! It wasn't aliens!"

"THE ALIENS DID IT! THEY NEED RENOVATION!"

"SO WHAT?! I'm tellin' ya! Aliens didn't kidnap Martha Stewart, force her to sing show tunes until she exploded, regenerate, flung into orbit, then fell to Earth and raised as a normal person! IT DIDN'T HAPPEN SO QUIT MAKIN' UP DUMB STORIES! QUIT KICKING ME!"

"MY STORIES AREN'T DUMB! YOU ARE!"

"NO! YOU ARE!"

"NO! YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

"YOU BOTH ARE! SHUT UP!"

Young Link stopped jumping on top of Link. Link froze, lying on his back on the floor, glaring at his comrade standing in the doorway. Marth had decided to stop the madness before it continued any further. _And here I am again,_ thought the Altean. _Thinking to myself and wondering when the madness will stop… Wondering if the world is coming to an end and crumbling beneath my own two feet…_

The younger Link crawled off of Link's stomach and sat on the couch, ashamed. Link flipped over and hid his face in the carpet as he sobbed in pain. Before anything else occurred, Roy wandered into the room with a giant lollipop.

"What happened?" asked the redhead, seeing Link sobbing and Young Link with an innocent face. He looked back at Link. "Did he kick you again?"

Link answered with a very slow nod.

Roy sighed and walked over to Young Link. He stood in front of the young Hylian and shook his head. "Young Link, what did we go over last time?"

"Don't kick people. Even if they deserve it." Young Link replied sadly. "But it wasn't my fault! He---"

Roy quickly shoved a finger in Young Link's face. "Shh. Don't talk."

"But I---"

"SHUT UP!" Roy leaned down, his face three inches away from Young Link's.

Young Link scowled. "NO! YOU SHUT UP!"

"NO! YOU SHUT UP!"

"NO! YOU SHUT UP!"

"YOU!"

"YOU!"

Marth watched the whole ordeal from the doorway. His vision changed back and forth from Young Link and Roy's argument to Link huddled into a corner, facing the wall. This continued for two minutes until Link was asleep and Young Link was now jumping on top of Roy, who was on the floor.

"I HATE YOU!"

"I HATE YOU TOO! GET OFF ME!"

"NO!"

"MEANIE HEAD!"

"CAULIFLOWER!"

Roy didn't care that that didn't even make sense.

Marth sighed and began to talk to himself as he watched the carnage. "This is horrible. Entertaining, but horrible. I know what everyone needs…"

The older swordsman walked over towards the middle of the room. He grabbed Young Link back the back of the shirt, lifted him off of Roy, and set him down on the couch. Roy rolled onto his side and sobbed. The sudden silence awoke Link out of his sleep. "What? What happened? What?"

"I can't live with you people anymore!" shouted Marth. "I can't take it! You drive me insane!"

There was a shocked silence, with the exception of Roy crying on the floor.

"I'm sorry." Young Link apologized.

Link walked over to Roy and bent down to look at him. "Hurts, doesn't it?"

"Yes…" Roy replied weakly.

Marth continued his rant. "This place is a madhouse! I'm just going to have to find somewhere else to live!"

Link stared in silence. Young Link ran over and latched himself to Marth's leg. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Don't leave, Marth! Don't leeeeeave…!"

"I have no choice." Marth shrugged. "No one here even wants to get out of this place and do something! We're all going to end up just like the kids in 'Lord of the Flies'!"

Falco walked passed the doorway and muttered, "Nice pep talk."

"No!" gasped Young Link, tears forming in his eyes as he looked up at his blue-haired friend.

"Yes." Marth nodded.

"W-Well, what do we do?" Young Link stuttered.

"What do YOU suppose we do?" Marth asked the little blond.

Of course, Young Link had no clue. Link fell asleep again during Marth's last rant. Roy was recovering, one arm wrapped around his middle in pain. With his other hand he continued to poke at the fire in the fireplace with a stick and a possessed look on his face.

"Freaks. All of you." Marth muttered to himself. He then turned back to Young Link, who was still cutting off all circulation in his leg. "Well?"

"I-I don't know."

Marth sighed loudly in frustration. "GET A JOB, PEOPLE! A JOB!"

Young Link became frightened and used his older self's sleeping body as a shield.

"Get out of here! Go work at K-Mart! Work at McDonald's! I don't care! Just GET THE HECK OUTTA HERE!" Marth shouted. He hadn't been to his therapy in three weeks.

All the Smashers around in the giant house heard Marth's cry, but dismissed it. They were used to his rants by now. He was always yelling either at the other swordsmen, or something weird. Like the hair he found in his applesauce that morning. Yes, it was all quite normal by now.

Link awoke suddenly at the sound of the haunting word. He gasped in horror.

Roy came out of his daze and stood up. "A _job_? No way!"

"Yes! A job! Something where I'm not involved!" Marth pointed out.

"A job?" Young Link asked. "Me too? Are you nuts?"

Marth sighed. "Yes."

"I'm ten stinkin' years old! What kind of job do you expect me to get?! Huh? HUH?! What kind of freak would hire a kid, huh?! You tell me! WHAT---" Young Link spazzed. Link put his hand around Young Link's mouth and pulled him to the ground.

Roy walked over to Marth. "If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me."

"What are you talking about?"

Roy grinned. "Us? You want US to go out by ourselves and get a job? By our_selves_?"

Marth began to think about this. In his mind he envisioned McDonald's burning to the ground… K-Mart blowing up in isle four… He pictured everyone in the city blaming him. Blaming him for making the three swordsmen go out by themselves in the first place. Roy and Link going to court. Young Link ending up in juvie. He would turn into an escaped convict when he was thirty-two and his whole life he'd blame Marth for sending them by themselves…

It was all too much. Marth snapped like a twig.

"Maybe… I should go with you…" Marth replied, his left eye twitching.

"Exactly!" Roy exclaimed, slapping Marth on the back.

Young Link had pinned Link to the ground and bound his hands with Twizzlers. Little Link then ran towards the two swordsmen. "A JOB?! ME?!"

"Yes you, ya little spazzoid!" Roy replied.

Marth walked over to shrieking Link and liberated him from the Twizzlers. Roy searched through his pockets, found a Nerd's Rope, walked over to shrieking Young Link and tied his hands with it.

"Alright. Let's go." Marth replied sullenly and began to walk out the front door, followed by Link.

Roy picked up trapped Young Link by the back of the shirt, carried him that way, and followed the other two out the door.

"Put me down, you freak! HELP! ABUSE!"

"Would ya shut up already?!" Roy snapped at Young Link as the youth began to kick and shriek like there was no tomorrow.

"NO! YOU SHUT UP! I'M NOT GONNA SHUT UP! YOU SHUT UP! HELP! I'M BEING KIDNAPPED BY A FREAKY REDHEADED CAULIFLOWER! ABUSE! CHILD ABUSE!"

Young Link continued to have a conniption as the four Smashers walked out the door towards the doom awaiting them. Surely nothing good could come of this.

---

Author's Notes: It ended up being random again, didn't it? Oh well. These things can't be helped.

You won't understand the title yet, but you will in the next chapter. I promise.

Marth- What is it with you and airports?

Well, I've been watching a lot of that 'Airline' show lately.

Marth- So you decided to actually _call_ it 'Airline'.

It interests me. And sparks my imagination! … You got a problem with my imagination?

Marth- Yes. And I'd have a good lawyer handy.

Well, it was either that or 'Leaving On A Jet Plane'. ::hums the song:: Or 'Airline Peanuts'.

Roy- WHERE?!

Marth- 'Airline Peanuts'? … You're running out of titles, aren't you?

Yep. I'm a lost cause.

Marth- Yes you are.

Link- SIX PAGES!

Just so it's not five hundred fifty-four.

Link-??

Marth- Are you alright?

Hm… I've been working on this for awhile. It's around three hours straight. Plus writing dialogue for Roy and Young Link makes a person insane. Silently nuts. Nuts for peanuts.

Marth- I'm leaving.

On a jet plane.

Marth- No, I'm just leaving. ::leaves::

I should end this now. I'll just let Hawkeye the pirate end it.

Hawkeye- I'm not a pirate! WOULD YOU QUIT SAYING THAT?!

Good night, good morning, good afternoon, good evening to all who read! The next chapter should be up soon. I have a ton of ideas for this fic o'mine, so I hope you stay with me as you did with 'Surviving the States'! Thanks a ton!


	2. Farewell to a Friend

Author's Notes: Hello! Thanks a lot for the reviews! Um, I figured that I should have made a sequel to my other story, but this one is… sort of. I suppose I should make a story when they're actually IN Africa, correct? Well, when this fic is done, I'm seriously thinking about writing one. So if that's what you were looking for, don't worry. I'll make an 'official' sequel to 'Surviving the States'. Okies?

Math- Just what we need. A sequel to the ultimate torture story.

Roy- I'll do it! I wanna see Africa!

You both are aware I know almost nothing about Africa and there'll be a lot of those 'killus maximus' monkeys, right?

Roy- Who cares?

Marth- I do.

Link- I don't!

Well, Marth, it's three to one. You lose.

Young Link- Do I have a say in this?

Uh, well, _technically_---

Young Link- MAKE A SEQUEL OR ELSE!

You may not be in it.

Young Link- ::short pause:: Oh… make it anyway!

Alrighty then. Anyways, thanks for the reviews! It inspired me! Plus I just got done playing SSBM as Roy while my brother played Marth, so…

Marth- Did he win?

Sometimes.

Marth- …

On with the story!

---

"You want a _what_?"

"A job, sir. A job."

There was a short pause.

"All four of you?"

"Is… there a problem?"

Marth, Link, Roy, and Young Link had made it to the local airport, aptly named Mario Bros. International Airport. _Oh, that's dandy_, Roy had thought upon hearing the airport's name. _Mario gets everything! He gets all these games, his name's always before Luigi's, and people even call him Mr. Nintendo! Marth and I only get a few games that aren't even released in the U.S.!_

After walking into the airport, they were quickly directed to the manager. They followed a woman in a navy blue suit into an office off to the side. Every wall was a blinding white and the desk the manager sat at was a very dark brown. Having one dark object in an all white room was enough to burn off someone's eyeballs. Of course, Roy shouting 'I'm BLIND!!' right when they walked into the room probably didn't help their chances of getting hired.

Now the four swordsmen were standing in front of the desk, facing the manager who had been sitting in his chair doing nothing the whole time he had been manager. He glared at Young Link suspiciously. "How old are you?"

"Me? Why, I'm---" Young Link began his reply, but was cut off by Marth's hand quickly covering his mouth. Young Link fought to get free.

"Um, he's… He's… seventeen! GAH!" shouted Marth as Young Link bit his hand and snickered evilly.

_Seventeen? _Thought the manager. _More like ten._ "Seventeen, eh? Can I see your driver's license?"

Marth gulped and stared at the man in front of him. "Driver's… license?"

"I don't have a driver's license!" shouted Young Link proudly. "I don't drive!"

_I got the little booger now!_ The manager thought. "You don't drive, you say?"

"Nope!" alleged Young Link. He sashayed closer towards the desk and sat right on top of it. "Let me tell ya my life story, bub. It all started in a potato village…"

The manager blinked.

Little Link continued. "… The village of my people: the Tater People."

"'Tater People'?" the manager asked. "I don't think I've ever heard of them before."

"Be quiet, man!" Roy ran behind the manager and snapped. "That's the worst thing you can say to a Tater person! They HATE not being recognized!"

The manager stuttered at the sight of an angry Roy in his face. "I-I-I'm sorry… I d-didn't know…"

"Well, now you know." Roy crossed his arms and turned away from the man at the desk in disgust.

"And knowing is half the battle!" Link cried.

_Oh, for crying out loud…!_ Marth thought, sitting in a nearby chair and hiding his face in his hands. _Well, if he didn't think we were crazy before, this should tip him off now. We're doomed._

"So anyway," the young Hylian continued. "I was the son of a potato merchant in the far village called Potato Land. I sold potatoes. I had a very boring life. Most of the kids my age are known to be very short. We look like we're ten or somethin'. But we Taters don't believe in driving what you call… 'cars' and such. We also don't believe in having our pictures taken."

Roy added, "Yes. That would make getting a license EXTREMELY difficult."

"Exactly." Young Link agreed, jumping off of the desk and onto the floor. "I don't know about you folks, but I don't want my soul sucked into a camera!"

"I-I agree, sir! Fully!" The manager exclaimed. He jumped up out of his seat and pointed at sobbing Marth. "You there! Yeah, you. Come'ere!"

Marth stood up and walked slowly over to the manager. _My life is over…_ Was the only thing to cross his mind.

The Altean reached the managers' desk. He stood in front of it, preparing to be thrown out by security. The manager grabbed Marth's hand and shook it firmly. "Congratulations, sir! You all have jobs at our airport!"

Marth couldn't believe his ears. _I can't believe it! _Then he thought, _How gullible can one person get?_

"Um… thanks?" Marth muttered.

"No problem! Now get out." The manager exclaimed. "Mona darling, would you be a dear and show these folks their stations?"

"Sure, doll!" came a feminine Brooklyn accent from the back of the room.

A tall woman wearing red three-inch heels and a zebra striped boa ran towards them. She was donned in a crimson sequined dress cut very high above the knee. Her bleached-blond hair almost touched the sky from the hairspray holding it up. She chewed her gum noisily and showed off her bleached white teeth.

"Hi! I'm Mona!" replied the scary woman as she ran to the swordsmen. She spotted Young Link and went nuts. "Ooooooh! Look at youuuu!"

Mona grabbed Young Link off the ground and hugged him so tightly he thought all oxygen supply was cut off. The freakish woman began to squeal and scare the other three swordsmen. "AAAAHHH! You're such a CUTIIIIEEE!"

Link, not liking all the attention Young Link was getting, ran over to the woman, grabbed Young Link and began to pull him out of Mona's arms. Link had gotten Young Link free and was holding him in his hands. The older Hylian began to shake him angrily. "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STEAL WOMEN FROM ME YOU LITTLE SNOT!!"

Young Link passed out.

"AAAAHH!" shrieked Mona. She had seen Young Link's older double and hugged him as tightly as she had Young Link. "YOU LOOK JUST LIKE HIM! YOU'RE SO CUUUUUUTEEE!"

Link, not getting enough oxygen, began to turn the color of Marth's hair. But he loved the attention. _Ahhh… this is the life… having women fawn over me… And why not? I can't help it if I'm so darn good lookin'!_ Thought Link. _Hm. I'm feeling a bit light-headed._

"Alright, lady. Are you finished?" Marth asked flatly from the doorway where he and Roy were standing. "We have a job to do. So why don't you just GET OVER HERE AND---"

"AAAAHH!" Mona cried again and ran over to the doorway.

"Hel-LO!" Roy cried as he was lifted off the ground. Mona hugged him tightly.

"EEEEEE!!" she squealed. "I LOVE YOUR HAIR! Can I play with it?"

"No!" Roy squeaked, trying to get free from the smother hold the woman was performing. The swordsmen figured she must have been a wrestler in the past.

And if not, she should have been.

"Okay! Time to go!" Marth pulled on Roy's right arm and set him free.

Roy fell to the ground and stayed there. "My world… it's getting dark…"

"EEEE! YOU'RE SO---"

Marth stopped the woman before she could do anything. "Don't even try it, Mona."

The blue-haired prince dragged the woman out of the blinding office. Link, after reviving Young Link and Roy, followed them. All five of them were standing outside the office staring at eachother.

"Well?" Marth asked Mona.

"Well what, sweetie?"

"Don't you need to tell us where to go?"

"Go where?"

Marth clenched his teeth together. "Where… do… we work?"

Mona thought a moment. Then she remembered! "Oh! Work! Duh! I'm such a silly sometimes. Of course I'll show you where to work, hon!"

Mona the Scary began to chew her gum with her mouth open. The Smashers decided that she resembled that of an eating cow. Mona led the four passed all the different desks, luggage claims, and stores. There were restaurants as well as a bar located near the southern end of the airport. Flyers were required to wait at least to hours before going on a plane after drinking. Why there was even a bar in the airport, the Smashers had no idea.

There were many different kinds of people waiting to get on their flights. It wasn't crowded, but there was enough to make it look like there wasn't even enough planes for everyone to fit. Moving 'sidewalks', as they called them, ran up and down the middle of the airport so the passengers wouldn't have to carry heavy luggage from one end to the other. Or in case you were lazy and didn't like exercise, whichever you preferred.

"…And there's Marty! He works with the luggage and stuff!" The expensively dress woman had been giving her new recruits the tour. Marth seemed half interested, Roy really didn't care and was about to fall asleep standing up, Link was too busy paying attention to Mona, and Young Link would smack Roy upside the head when he was about to fall asleep.

Just then, a woman and her husband began to walk towards so-called Marty. They seemed angry and hurried to the luggage desk where Marty was behind waiting.

"Excuse me," the man replied when he and his wife had reached the desk. "We heard our name called. What happened? Did you destroy something of mine? Did something get stolen? Was a klepto let on our baggage cart?! TELL ME! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS CHEESE, TELL ME!"

The man, who was dressed in a turtleneck and a Hawaiian shirt, begged for mercy at the desk of Marty. The woman leaned over and half-whispered to Marty, "Go on. Tell us. We can take it."

"Um… Okay…" Marty replied. Marty was a nervous looking man who wore a dark green shirt that had three white buttons near the collar. "Your luggage was knocked off the cart by a flying squirrel. I'm sorry."

Marty lifted a deep blue bag out from under the desk and set it on top of it. The man in the Hawaiian shirt moved very slowly over to the bag. His hands caressed the dead bag gently. His fingers intertwined with the ripped shoulder strap and the torn fabric that graced the bag all over. Its contents were falling through the rips, some of which included an electric toothbrush, a lifetime pass to Chuck E. Cheese, and strips of red licorice.

The four swordsmen watched the carnage in horror. The lady had begun to walk towards her grieving husband. They were saddened that their very expensive bag had been brutally dismantled by Mario Bros. International. It was suing time.

"That's so sad!" Link sniffled as the group looked on.

Roy blew his nose with a tissue that magically generated in his hand. "I know, man! It's like… the bag didn't do anything to anybody! The only crime it committed was living!"

Roy and Link emitted a loud crying sob and cried on eachother's shoulders. It was all just too much.

"Wimps." muttered Young Link.

Mona crossed her arms and shook her head. Her gum smacked loudly before she began to talk in her Brooklyn accent. "It's just horrible, ain't it, doll?"

Marth gave Mona an odd look. _What's with the 'doll' thing?_ "Yeah. That's… something, all right."

The woman with the fluffy zebra striped boa shook her head once more. "Sometimes people can be so cruel. All the world needs is love. And peace. JUST LOVE AND PEACE! Is that so much to ask?!"

"Uh… huh…" the blue-haired swordsman two steps away from Mona. "So, are you going to show us our stations or what? This is sentimental and all, but we really should be getting to work."

Mona's sad, angry expression magically changed into a happy one in .0986 seconds. "Okay!"

The freaky woman grabbed Marth's left arm and began to lead him towards the desk where the bag was. The Altean winced as Mona's long fake nails dug into his skin. Mona dragged Marth to Marty, who had been slamming his head repeatedly against the computer that held baggage information.

"_You have new mail… You have new mail… You have new mail…_" the computer replied each time Marty thwacked himself with the computer.

"HEY MARTY!" shrieked Mona as she ran over to him and stuck her gum in his hair. Marty looked upward in displeasure.

"Oh… hi, Mona." Marty replied, rubbing his aching head. "Did you bring some aspirin?"

Mona laughed like a donkey on crack. "Oh, of course not, silly! You're shift's over! Time for our new recruit to take over!"

Marth almost choked on his saliva. "What?! New recruit?! Me?! Are you crazy?! We just got here and already you want me to take over a bag crisis?! Are you insane?!"

"Well, DUH, sugar!" Mona laughed to herself at silly Marth. She began to replace Marty with Marth. "Now, you go _here_… and you go _here…_ There! Aren't we all just happy as a bunch of clams at a clambake?"

_Clams at a clambake… _Marth thought to himself. _That's one way to put it. _The prince looked at himself. He now was donned in the proper attire; a dark green shirt with three buttons neat the collar. He looked… just like Marty! Yay!

"Hey, hey, Marus!" came a cry a few feet away from the desk. "Lookin' good!"

Marth glared angrily over in the direction of the other three swordsmen. Roy and Link had been laughing at Marth's new getup. They walked drunk-like over to the front of the desk near the mourning couple and the bag.

"HAHAHAHA!" Link and Roy began to laugh hysterically with the licorice they had stolen from the dead bag everywhere. Roy had donned a new hairdo with licorice stuck in his hair and had two strips up his nose, while Link had two sticking out of his ears and also in his nose. It was quite a sight.

"Thank you so much for your support. Knowing that you support every good thing I try to do for you apes makes me feel all giddy inside." Marth lectured the other swordsmen. Young Link watched in disbelief from a distance.

"I know! It's so cool!" shouted Roy as he began to laugh like Woody the Woodpecker.

"THE MONKEYS! THE MONKEYS ATE THE CHEESE ON FATHER'S DAY!" cried Link as he slapped Roy upside the head. The red-haired swordsman fell over.

It was then that the sobbing husband and wife began to come back to reality.

"YOU! YOU THERE! Yeah, you! The blue-haired guy that looks like he just got slapped with a fish! Listen up, buddy…" the Hawaiian shirt husband reached over the counter, grabbed the front of Marth's shirt, and pulled him closer to his face. "I don't by no cheap stuff. I buys expensive stuff. Now, this bag was expensive, see?"

Marth looked the man in the eye and winced slightly.

The man continued. "And everything I buy is expensive. Nothin' less than a hundred smackers! You pickin' up what I'm puttin' down?"

"…"

"ARE YA?!"

"I'm… not sure I understand a word you're saying."

"Well, ya better learn, Smurf-boy! 'Cause if you don't do somethin' about this, I'm gonna sue that tiara right off your head!" the man threatened. The wife nodded in agreement.

Marth's eyes had widened to about the size of a golf ball. _Great, if it's not hanging out with those idiots over there… _Marth looked towards Roy and Link, who had been slapping eachother with metal toy planes. _… It's strange men dressed in Hawaiian shirts with a new take on the southern drawl. And he touched me! Idiot. We'll see how he likes it when _he's _the one getting slapped with a fish._

The blue-haired Smasher smacked the man's hand. Once he was freed from the man's grasp, he reached behind his back.

"How dare you slap me! I'm gonna sue you AND your mother! I'm gonna report you to the authorities! The POLICE! THE SWAT TEAM!! THE---"

"Say goodnight, you Hawaiian reject!" Marth yelled as his hand came out from behind his back, slapping the man across the face with a largemouth bass.

"EEP!" cried the man as he fell to the ground in a pile of Hawaiian mush.

Roy and Link suddenly stopped giving eachother concussions. They stared at their comrade, then at the man on the floor. All was silent for a few seconds.

"…"

"ALRIGHT!" shriek Link. He and Roy ran over to Marth behind the counter.

"That was freakin' awesome!" cried the pyro, grabbing the fish from Marth's hand. He began to talk to it. "Hello, my little fishy manslayer! Who's a good fishy? Who's a good fishy?"

"Give me that." Marth snatched the bass from Roy's hands and chucked it somewhere.

Young Link ran over towards the three swordsmen. "WOW! THAT WAS SO COOL, MARTH! CAN YOU SHOW ME HOW TO MAGICALLY PULL RANDOM FISH OUTTA NOWHERE? HUH? HUH? CAN YA CAN YA CAN YA---"

Link walked over to hyper Young Link. He grabbed Young Link's… 'trousers' and yanked. Hard.

"EEP!" Young Link muttered quietly. He was hanging from Link's hand by his undergarments.

"Mega wedgie…" Roy sighed happily. "Why didn't I think of that?"

"What's the matter with him?" Marth wondered out loud. Young Link had been relatively calm ever since Roy had stopped carrying him out in public when he was bound with Twizzlers.

"Don't ask me." Link put his hands in the air in a 'surrender' gesture, dropping suffering Young Link onto the floor.

"What exactly did you guys do while I was talking with Mona?" Marth asked suspiciously. "And, I'm afraid to ask, but where did you get the licorice?"

Roy pointed to the dead bag.

"You went through the bag?!" Marth cried.

"Yeah, so? What's wrong with that?" Roy shrugged, and then received a slap to the back of the head. Roy fell over.

Marth grabbed the bag and began to look through it. Inside he found the remnants of a bag of licorice and empty Coke bottles.

"You gave him Coke?!" Marth held up the empty bottles and shoved them in Roy and Link's faces.

"Well, yeah, he was thirsty! What'd you expect us to do?"

"Not to give him Coke! COKE! With SUGAR! AND CAFFEINE!"

The blond Hylian thought for a moment. "And that's… a _bad_ thing."

"Yes!"

"Hm…"

It was then that Mona decided to return to the group after shoving Marty into a magical trash disposal. "Hey, kiddies! What's going on over here?"

Mona skidded to a stop as she saw Link and Roy with licorice everywhere, a KO'ed guy on the floor with his wife slapping him repeatedly to wake him up, Young Link with a possessed look on his face, and Marth… who just happened to look like someone had just drank a whole carton of Coca Cola. How appropriate.

"Hm…" Mona muttered, looking at the disorder around her. She smiled widely. "Oh well! All this can be fixed!"

--

A single tear was shed from each person that attended the funeral at the airport. The sound of 'Taps' playing mournfully in the background added to the sorrowful effect. All hats and/or headgear were removed in respect for the shameless victim. Everyone mourned sadly as the dead bag was lowered into the grave.

---

Author's Notes: Wow, this chapter took me a surprisingly long time to make! That's nothing compared to the stuff I have planned, though.

Marth- I can't wait to see what you do to us in the next chapter. You've already given me the power to generate fish.

And you should be proud of that power! ::SMACK!!:: Alright. Maybe not.

Roy- Hey! How come I don't get a power?

Fine, here.

Shippo- ::appears::

Roy- … Okay! The power to generate… THINGS from anime! Nice! I wonder if I can get Kagome here…

Shippo- I'm not a THING! ::mauls a random bystander::

Well. That was nice. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the chapter! It took about three days to do, due to my busy schedule. But I'm free now! So the next chapters should come quicker. Thanks for every review!

Roy- ::stops transporting millions of anime characters:: Yes! Thank you for every review! Now if you would PLEASE get me some airline peanuts and out of this whole airport, it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!


	3. Always Please Your Boss

Author's Notes: Wow! Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are so nice to me. When I tried to give you all cookies, they wouldn't fit inside the computer very well. I'm sorry. I tried.

And right now… I have that 'Where I Come From' country song stuck in my head. I didn't even listen to it.

Roy- An earworm?

Yes, Roy. An earworm.

Roy- Aw, I'm sorry.

Thank you. Anyway, I'm going to start---

Roy- Wait! I have to say something!

Don't you always? What is it?

Roy- I'd just like to say thanks for the airline peanuts that were thrown to me. I did eat them all, even though one of them turned into an evil version of the howler monkey and tried to eat my head. I ate it anyway, though.

…One can only hope. To the chapter!

---

Roy, Marth, Link, and Young Link had caught onto their jobs rather quickly. Well, in a newbie sort of way. All of them had been given their uniforms, yet some were different than others. Similar to Marth's dark green outfit with black pants, Roy had been given a parallel outfit. His was a dark, navy blue color with black pants.

Young Link had gone through many outfits, none of which had fit. They had no choice but to give him the smallest size they had. It was the same kind of shirt as Marth's, deep forest green with the three buttons near the top. The short-sleeved shirt came two inches below his elbows. His black pants were hemmed a great deal by Mona who had kindly volunteered. She had a thing for short men.

Link's outfit was no different, except for his shirt being a deep purple. Just bordering Young Link's problem, they had no shirts left in the proper color for his work site. He had a choice of whether to wear purple or a shirt from the lost-and-found that read, "Hank's Weenie Hut".

Young Link's job was to work in the souvenir department. Whether this was a good idea or a bad one, no one could quite predict the conclusion.

"Wow! Look at all the toys!" Young Link gasped as he was being shown around his workspace. His blue eyes widened at the sight of mugs, writing utensils, stuffed animals, and little Smasher's plushies as well as bobble heads.

Immediately Young Link wandered from his souvenir shop boss, who had been showing him around. He ran to the plushies and bobble heads like they were the other end of the magnet. When he reached them, Young Link glanced at every single character.

The little Hylian grabbed three plushies: A Marth, a Link, and a Roy.

"Hello, Marth! How are you today?" Young Link talked in a high voice and made the Link toy talk to the Marth model. He replied in a deeper, angry voice, "Link! You doodoo head! Get off your lazy butt and go to work! I hate you! You smell! Nyah! Nyah, nyah, nyah!"

Young Link moved the Marth plushie in for an attack. He began to punch the Link doll with the Marth one. Then he made Marth pretend to eat Link's arm.

"Ahh! Marth! You ate my arm! Now I will never be able to wield the Master Sword again!" Young Link spoke in his high-pitched voice and replied again in his deep voice, "Ahahaha! Your arm is gone! I am going to give it to Young Link as a souvenir!"

And with a cry of "No you won't!" on Link's part, Young Link allowed the Link toy to tackle the Marth toy. Then he threw them across the store. "Ahhhhh!"

"Um, sir? Sorry if I'm interrupting anything," The stores' boss had finally found the new employee. "But don't you think you should…"

"Hello, Mr. Freaky Man!" Young Link had been holding the Roy plushie under his left arm and was now shoving it in his boss's face. He spoke in a tone similar to his 'Link' tone. "I'm Roy, the evil redheaded cauliflower!"

"…"

"Mwahahaha!" Young Link laughed evilly, yet again in his Roy voice. "I'm going to burn all you mortals into a steaming pile of goo! Flaming cauliflowers attack!"

Young Link threw the Roy plushie at the boss, which hit him quickly and fell to the floor. The boss was not amused. He returned the gratitude with a long stare.

Young Link grinned guiltily and responded quietly, "Kaboom!"

Meanwhile, Link was being shown around his own workspace by none other than…

"Mona, are you sure…" Link stood near the airports' tunnel and scratched his head. He looked all around the surrounding area.

"Yep! This is it! This is where you work, sugar!" Mona clasped her hands together happily. Her giant sparkling rings she wore on almost every finger clinked together, as did her exceptionally long painted fingernails. "Ain't it great? You get all this space to yourself, you get to know everyone who goes on the flight…"

Link tried to explain himself without hurting his love's feelings. "Yes, but… Are you sure I just… stand here all day?"

Mona nodded energetically.

"But…"

Link stopped himself. Surely checking everyone's passports at tunnel twelve could have some sort of advantage. He just couldn't think of any.

"But what, hon?" asked Mona.

"Um… nothing." Link replied. "So, what do I do?"

Mona grasped both of Link's shoulders and pushed against the wall to the left of the tunnel. Link blushed.

"Why, Mona! T-This is so sudden!" Link stuttered, looking into Mona's bright green eyes with pink eyeshadow. He tried to hide his sheepish grin.

Mona blinked. "What do you mean, sugar? This is where you work! Now stay there…"

"Oh." A bright red hue spread across the blonds' face. _Dagnabbit! Why do I even try?_ Thought Link.

"…And you check their passports before they go through the tunnel! But don't let any of them go buy without showing a passport! That will be your downfall, cutie!" Mona continued.

_Jeez, I'm just checkin' papers! I'm just standing here the whole day! _Thought Link. _Wow. Look at the way she moves her hands when she talks. It's so… mesmerizing…_ The Hylian shook his head. _No, Link. Don't do it, buddy. Don't look at her. Back to the job. _Link thought about how boring the job would be. After all, he would be standing on his feet all day in the same spot for hours… and hours… and hours…

"…Then you would call us and tell us if the person stealing the cheese got away. Which brings me to your paraphernalia!" Mona used a big word!

"Parapha-what?" Link was confused. The big word came and attacked him like a possum in the middle of a road during happy hour.

Mona grabbed Link's hands and placed something SHINY and black in them. Link looked at the object curiously.

"Ooh… What's this?" Asked Link, his blue eyes staring at the peculiar SHINY object.

"It's your walkie-talkie, hon! You communicate with everyone in the airport that has one! Lookie! It even has an earpiece that fits onto it!" Mona placed the earpiece in Link's ear and attached it to the communicator.

Link was astounded! He had never seen such an interesting SHINY item! Oh, the pranks he could pull with it…

As this was happening, Roy had been left with his own boss.

"Ten-HUT!"

"Ten-what?"

"HUT!"

"Huh?"

"HUT, YOU LOW-LIFE, LILLY-LIVERED, YELLOW-BELLIED, SAPSUCKER! NOW PUT THOSE HANDS WHERE I CAN SEE'EM!"

Roy quickly put his hands in the air. "I didn't do it!"

Roy's boss, Sergeant Bernie, walked around Roy in a circle, looking up and down. He stopped at Roy's face and glared at him. The pyro glared back with a frightened gaze.

"You lookin' at me funny, soldier?" Bernie asked. "Boy, I'd be sorry for the first guy who looked at me funny!"

The redhead wiped the saliva off his face. "'Scuse me, guy. Can you get out of my face? It's like a rainstorm over here."

Bernie became angry. "ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY AUTHORITY?!"

"Uh…" Roy had to think about this for a minute.

"DO NOT STUTTER! STAND UP STRAIGHT! SUCK IN THAT GUT! EYES OPEN! DO THE FUNKY CHICKEN!" Now Sergeant Bernie was getting a bit carried away.

Roy was trying to keep up with the Sergeant's orders. He muttered each command as he attempted to remember them all and perform them. "Eyes straight… Openly stutter… Gut the chicken… Wait, what?"

"ARE YOU QUESTIONING ME AGAIN, SOLDIER?" Bernie loomed over Roy. Roy shook his head quickly and cringed. "GOOD! NOW! STAND AT YOUR STATION!"

Roy ran over to where he would be spending most of his time. He waited nervously for the sergeant's orders.

"I'm gonna tell you how to be a good baggage checker guy!" Poor Bernie wasn't as smart as he thought he was.

"Um… A-Alright…"

"DO _NOT_ STUTTER!"

"Okay, okay!"

Bernie walked over to what looked like a smaller version of the moving sidewalk. It was raised as high as the desk. The long conveyer belt would end and a cart would be waiting to take the luggage. There was a large machine that had an appearance of an x-ray. It sat on top of the 'mini moving sidewalk' near Roy. Just in front of the desk was a tall archway.

"NOW!" screamed Bernie, catching Roy's attention. He began to imitate the scenarios he was speaking of. "You see a family walkin' their merry way along. Then they come up to you. You take their bags and put'em on this here contraption. You press this little red button here in front of ya. See it? You should. It's shiny."

"'Scuse me…?"

Bernie continued, ignoring his student. "The contraption starts moving that-a-way, see? The bags go inside this x-ray lookin' thing. You press another button on top of the x-ray lookin' thing and it lights up. Also shiny. It glows. It lets ya see inside the bags. If there's nothin' suspicious or nothin', let it go on by. Make the people go under this here archway, got it? It'll go off if they're hidin' something. After that, it's none a'your business, got it?"

"Uh-huh." Roy answered.

"WHAT, SOLDIER?"

Roy whimpered. "Ma'am, yes ma'am!"

"That's better!"

Marth had been working at his station at the bag check-in/out. Things hadn't been going smoothly for the blue-haired prince from the start. He had a telephone to one ear and was also checking in bags.

"…Yes, I'm well aware you only buy expensive items… Oh, here you go ma'am. Have a nice day." Marth tried to juggle both things at once. "…Yes, I'm aware you have an expensive lawyer… Oh, yes sir, your bags have been checked in. …Oh… Uh, please don't use those words, sir… Sir, I told you I had nothing to do with the 'murdering' of your bag… Oh, please don't sue…"

In his mind, Marth was beginning to wonder what possessed him to work at an airline. _Why didn't I take them somewhere safe? Like McDonald's or K-Mart? This is horrible. I could quit right now and this would all be over… Wait, I can't do that. What kind of example would I be setting for the others? Well… Maybe they're having a better time than I am._

Young Link dashed out of the souvenir shop, arms full with stolen items. "Run, you funny man! Run!"

"Come back here you little gremlin!" Young Link's boss, Edward, ran after his new employee. He attempted to grab him many times, but failed when the young blond would drop a pencil. The boss would then slip on it and become even farther away from him. "Get over here! Oh, I'll give you SUCH a pinch…!"

"I don't think so!" Young Link shouted to Edward. He then dropped a Yoshi bobble head onto the ground.

"You LITTLE---" Just as Ed was about to say something too suggestive for Young Link's sensitive ears, Yoshi the Bobble Head came rolling towards him like the can on the 'Chef Boyardee' commercial. Ed tripped. "EEEEYAAAAH!"

The little blond blew a raspberry at Ed and took off with his new bounty. He took a detour and ran towards Marth. He skidded when he got to the desk and ran behind it, crouching beside his comrade. Young Link dropped his loot. "Secret Agent Blue Hair; I got the goods."

Marth raised an eyebrow at Young Link, and then looked towards Edward who couldn't quite regain his land legs. He then looked back at Young Link. It was then that he heard a scream coming from halfway up the airport. It echoed loudly, but no one else paid any mind.

The Altean turned his head to look the screams' direction. Young Link covered his loot with his arms. "Mine."

A figure began to run towards them. As it got closer, they saw that it was Roy running like he was being chased by a rabid mountain goat. His bright blue eyes were as wide as saucers and he was breathing heavily.

"SAVE ME!" Roy cried to the other two swordsmen, running for his dear life.

Sergeant Bernie appeared running after his employee. "COME BACK HERE, WORM! ON THE GROUND! 50 PUSHUPS! NOW!!"

Roy reached the desk Marth and Young Link were at. Frightened beyond belief at the strange military man hunting him down, the pyro didn't even bother to run around the desk. He jumped up onto the desk and stood there like a deer in the headlights.

"Roy! What in the world are you doing?!" Marth shouted. "Get down from there!"

Sergeant Bernie was racking up the number for pushups, still running towards his victim. "200 PUSHUPS, SCUM!"

Roy looked around hysterically. Eventually he cried, "Save me, Marth!!" and jumped off of the desk. His blue-haired buddy, of course, didn't have enough time to react to Roy's wishes. Roy instantly landed on the floor, although a bit dazed. He had landed on his back beside Young Link and gave him a dazed look.

Young Link pulled his toys closer. "Mine."

Bernie reached the desk and looked around, a possessed look spread across his face. "Where'd he go?! Where's that little bug?!"

Marth, yet confused, leaned on the desk and peered at the sergeant. "Is something wrong?"

"Yes!" replied Bernie. "I can't find that new recruit of mine! Have you seen him?"

It was then that Roy decided to peek up above the desk. He held the top of his head with his left hand, shaken up from the fall. He had always had bad timing. The red-haired swordsman groaned from the pain of his growing headache and looked up at Marth with a tired gaze. "Oh… Hello, man. Who are you?"

Marth smacked him lightly across the head. "What did you do?"

"Uh… I don't know…" Roy looked above the desk and saw the crazed face of a demented sergeant glaring at him. Roy gasped loudly and pointed at his boss. "Now I remember! THAT GUY WAS TRYING TO KILL ME!"

"Kill you?" Marth asked in an 'I-don't-believe-you' tone. "Surely not."

"Surely yes!" Roy nodded.

The Altean prince raised an eyebrow at Bernie. The sergeant began to stutter. "W-Well… He started it!"

"Nuh-uh!" Roy gasped. "…Hey, you said no stuttering! Sergeant… you…"

The sergeant was silent.

"…You broke your own rule…"

Bernie hung his head in shame. He just wasn't fit to be a sergeant. He betrayed himself and was a disgrace to the entire military. His whole life he had been living a lie.

Then he got over it.

"HEY! WHAT DID I TELL YOU? NO SLOUCHING!" Sergeant Bernie's pity party was over.

"Hey, lay off." Marth said to Bernie.

The sergeant looked at his underling in disbelief. "WHAT DID YOU SAY, PUNK?"

"Lay. Off."

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"

"Did I stutter?"

"DID YOU?"

Marth sighed angrily. "Listen, bud. We're not on 'Whose Line' so quit asking questions."

The sergeant couldn't believe what he was hearing. An ordinary person---an _underling_---was ignoring him and treating him like he had no status! It was unheard of!

"Grr! No one talks to me like that! Well, except my dear mumsie, maybe. But that's not the point!" Bernie shouted.

Marth was getting confused. _Who does this guy think he is? And who was the freak that let him work at an airport?_

A purple-shirted Link appeared and came running towards the desk everyone had met up at. He walked over towards them and saw a disturbed Young Link hugging his stolen goods. He raised an eyebrow and asked his young counterpart, "What are you doing?"

"Shh!" Young Link was huddled over his loot. "I'm glad you've come, secret agent Elf-boy. Secret agent Blue-hair and I have run into some trouble with the military."

"The military…?" Link thought about this. How could you get in trouble with the military at an airport when you've only been there a few hours?

The Hero of Time looked over and saw a large, muscular man picking on Roy while Marth was smacking the man with a bluegill. Confused and cocking his head to one side, Link walked up to the man and tapped him on the shoulder. "'Scuse me."

"'Scuse you why, LITTLE MAN?" Sergeant Bernie turned away from Roy and towered over Link.

The Hylian felt very small. "Um… No reason."

Bernie was now turned towards Link. Marth took this opportunity as a sign. He leaned his arm back and flung the fish he had in his hand with a great force at the military man's head. Bernie stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes rolled in circles. The swordsmen secretly found it quite entertaining. Well, except for Young Link of course who was still clinging to his bounty on the floor.

The sergeant felt a headache coming on and began to feel dizzy. "Whoa… Doctor…"

Link looked over at Marth and gave him a look of shock.

Marth shrugged. "He deserved it."

The muscular man began to sway drunkenly as he tried to walk away from the swordsmen. "I'll… be back! I will… I'll get you… And your little friend… too… Whoa, momma…"

Roy let out a relieved whimper and ran to Marth. "You… You saved me! THANK YOU!"

The pyro grabbed Marth's left arm and hugged it tightly. Again Marth was loosing circulation to one of his limbs.

"You're welcome, Roy. Now get off…" Marth attempted to slide Roy off his arm.

Link was on the floor where Young Link had been and was going through the pile of souvenirs. He found a bobble head of himself and looked at it curiously. _What the…?_ Link hadn't seen many bobble heads before. He flicked the head and it wobbled from side to side. _Oh, so that's what it does. It's kind of cute…_ Link felt his love for the little Hero of Time bobble head grow. Tears of joy sprung to his eyes as he hugged the toy close to his heart.

The little Hylian had left his spot on the floor and walked over to Marth and Roy, a plushie in each of his hands. He stood in front of his fellow swordsmen and gave them a disgusted look.

"What's the matter?" Roy asked Young Link. "You look like someone just ran over your pet skunk."

Young Link sighed and held up the two plushies. "Look."

The Fire Emblem representatives peered at the toys. They didn't see anything wrong. The two plushies were each a Link model.

"Two Link toys," Marth replied. "Is there something wrong with one of them?"

"Yes!" Young Link cried and shoved the two plushies in their faces. "Look closer!"

Roy glared at the two plushies. They were exactly the same model wise. But something caught his eye.

The redhead grabbed the plushie on the left's tag. "I get it! Look, this one says 'Young Link' and the other just says 'Link'!"

"What's your point?" asked Marth.

Young Link sighed heavily in frustration. "My point is, they made all _older_ Link plushies! Then they just took a 'Young Link' label and put it on the Link plushie! THIS IS NOT ME!"

Roy began to comment. "Well, technically---"

"IT'S NOT ME!"

Marth grabbed the two plushies. "He's right. The plushies both have Link's uniform and not Young Link's."

"Well that's pretty cheap." Roy crossed his arms in disgust.

"YES IT IS!" Young Link began to have a fit. "IT'S WRONG! I'LL SUE!"

At this time Link decided to emerge from the depths of the toy pile. He ran over to his comrades and showed them the bobble head of himself. "Lookie! It's me! Isn't it cute? I call it Little Link!"

"B-But… _I'm_ Little Link!" cried Young Link.

"No," Link replied. "You're _Young_ Link."

The other swordsmen stared in silence.

"NYAAA!" cried Young Link as he launched himself at Link. He jumped on Link's back, covered his older self's eyes, and screamed, "GO OUTSIDE!"

Link tried desperately to get Young Link off of him so he didn't end up walking around blind on the highway. In the struggle of it all, Link launched his bobble head, Little Link, into the air. Roy made a desperate attempt to grab it and caught it in midair. He stood beside Marth, breathing heavily from the death-defying catch.

"Hey… It _is_ kinda cool…" Roy stared at the toy and flicked its head once. He shoved the toy in Marth's face. "LOOK INTO MY EYES!"

Marth stared blankly and ignored Roy's insane laughter. Link had gotten his younger counterpart off of him and Link was now chasing him with a fish. _It'll all be over soon…_ Marth put his head in one of his hands. _Just a little while longer. I'm sure we'll be fired soon enough. Yep… just a little while longer._

"I will call him… Mini-Me!" cried Roy, jumping up from the toy pile with his own bobble head.

The older swordsman watched all the people walk by him, staring at the swordsmen running around like wild monkeys. Surely that was the worst of it.

---

Author's Note's: Wow, I actually didn't finish this at night for once. I just started it then. Why is it that I can barely get any good ideas during the day? Hm. Anyway…

Roy- ::setting up a sign::

What are you doing?

Roy- I'm running a donation.

For… what?

Roy- Airline peanuts, what else? Deposit please!

But I don't have any---

Roy- DEPOSIT!

::inserts a grape into the donation box::

Roy- ::is disgusted:: And what was that?

I tried to tell you. Anyway, thanks for all the reviews! It makes us all happy. Even Marth.

Marth- ::reading the newspaper:: Hm?

I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I would have had it up sooner, but I had to stop right when I was about to finish the ending, there. I'm not entirely sure how long this little story will be, due to the fact that I'm starting to get ideas for my own little Africa spot. But enough about that now. I hope you enjoy the next chapter!


	4. Kidnapped!

Author's Notes: It's a quick update! I had this one done. ::wink::

Hello, all! Thanks for the reviews! I've been on almost all day reviewin' and such. Man, I'm _cold_…

Roy- ::runs in:: Hey!

Hey what?

Roy- Look! ::shows off his donation box::

Wow. You actually got it filled. I must say, Roy, I never thought you'd get it filled all the way.

Roy- But I thought you liked me!

I do. Very much so.

Roy- … Okay. Anyway, Mallow-chan filled it up for me!

That's nice, but now what are you going to do with it?

::short pause::

Roy- Um… I haven't thought that far.

Just don't give any to Marth.

Marth- Why in the world would I want a box full of airline peanuts? ::continues reading the newspaper::

Roy- Party pooper.

Alright, I see where this is going. Time to start the chapter!

---

After recent events, the airline had calmed down a bit. Sergeant Bernie had been admitted to a therapy center in Georgia. This center was the best you could get, for it was thirty feet underground, costs around two thousand twenty-five dollars, and is run entirely by a pack of rampaging chickens.

"BAWK! Hello, Bernard! Tell me about your troubles, BAWK!" Dr. Nofly ordered Bernie on his first day of therapy.

Marth had heard of this center and was seriously thinking about considering it.

The day after these certain events took place, Young Link was found guilty of robbing a store blind. He was temporarily suspended from his position until further notice. Instead, he was following Marth around until he got his job back.

"What's this do? What'll happen if I pull this lever? What does this button do? Why is it so shiny? Why are we here? What's the meaning of life? Why is the sky blue? Where do babies come from?"

"YOUNG LINK!" Marth closed his eyes out of annoyance and shouted at the young Hylian. "Stop asking all these questions and sit down! Go ask your parents!"

Young Link looked up at Marth from on top of the counter. "But the Deku Tree _died_!"

Marth's head collided with the desk. Young Link shrugged and decided to go somewhere else. His old swordsman buddy wasn't any fun. He spotted his next victim a few feet away in the middle of the airport.

"Put your right hand in, put your right hand out… Put your right hand in and shake it all about… Do the hokey-pokey and---"

"ROY!"

"EEPERS!"

Young Link ran over to the unsuspecting teen and jumped up on his desk. He flashed a giant toothy grin. "What'cha doing?"

"I, uh…" Roy stuttered embarrassingly. He had been caught. "Well, I was, um… working."

"Looked like you were dancing to me."

"…"

"Where's your boss?"

Roy was relieved to get off the Hokey-Pokey subject. He crossed his arms. "At therapy, remember?"

"Hm." Young Link didn't remember. He was never told. "Why were you doing the Hokey-Pokey?"

Roy exploded. "NEVER MIND WHAT I WAS DOING! GO AWAY!"

Young Link jumped off Roy's desk and put his hands on his hips. "Well, _excuuuuse_ me, Roy!"

The little Hylian gave a slight 'hmph!' and began to walk away.

"Sassy little meanie head…" muttered Roy. He then made sure no one was looking and continued 'working'. "Put your left foot in, put your left foot out…"

Frustrated that no one wanted to be with him, Young Link started to search for his counterpart friend. _Why is everyone so boring today? Marth's all grouchy and Roy's… being Roy. They're no fun._ Young Link thought as he wandered slowly down the airport. _Hm. I've passed that store twice now. Where'd everybody go?_

Back at the baggage check-in, a certain blue-haired swordsman was leaning back in his computer chair. His desk elevated his feet and he was sound asleep. There hadn't been many flights taking off that day, much to his surprise. Taking a nap wasn't going to hurt anything.

"MARTH! Slacking on the job, are we?" A voice interrupted the nightmare Marth was having. His eyes fluttered open slowly and stared back at the two faces glaring at him in front of his desk.

"Oh, no… I thought I had woken up…" Marth muttered tiredly. "I'm still asleep…"

"Yeah, that's real funny, Marth." Link was offended. Suddenly, he heard a small voice.

"Link! Link! Down here! Look at me!"

The older Hylian glared at Roy. "Shut up, Roy!"

"I didn't say anything!" Roy replied.

Link looked around. "Then who did…"

"Link! Liiiiink! Loooook at meeeee!"

The Hero of Time was clueless as he looked around for the voice that seemed to taunt him from afar. Or his pockets.

The noise continued to shout. "HEY BLONDIE! I SAID LOOK!"

Link finally discovered where the mysterious and now aggravating voice was coming from. The fanfare that plays everytime he opened chest on his adventures through Hyrule played as he searched his pockets.

Dun, dun, dun, duuuun!

Link squinted at the sky as the end of the fanfare played when he took out the source of the voice. "I always hated that song."

"Yeah, me too." Mumbled the voice's source.

"Hey! You're…!" Link gasped in shock.

"Yes, Link. I am… a bobble head."

"L-Little Link! You talk!"

Little Link took offense as he stood in Link's gloved hand. "Well DUH, you didn't expect me to just sit on the front of your car and wobble my head to and fro, did you?"

"Well… yes."

"Hm. So this is how bobble heads are viewed in the real world." Little Link thought out loud. "How unfortunate."

"Hey, Link!" Roy's voice interrupted Link and Little Link's conversation. Upon hearing his name, Link looked up immediately. "What's the matter?"

"Little Link! He…" Link looked down at his hand, only to discover Little Link suddenly silent. "…Nevermind."

Marth had woken up some time ago. Mostly due to Roy's nagging. "Your mind's starting to go, Link. Come back to us."

Link stared wide-eyed at Little Link, hoping for a response.

Marth raised an eyebrow. "Anyway, are you both here? Did something go wrong? PLEASE tell me you didn't switch the men's restroom sign with the women's…"

Roy looked up. "Hey! That's---" Before he could finish, Marth kicked him in the shin.

Link snapped out of whatever trance he was in. "It's time for our lunch break."

"Yeah!" Roy added, rubbing his leg. "We only have fifty minutes left!"

Marth blinked. "But what about our stations?"

Roy grinned. "Aw, don't worry about it. I'm sure they've got something worked out. Now let's go! I'm starving!"

Marth removed his legs from off of his desk and stood up. He then brushed himself off and walked around the desk to join his fellow swordsmen without a second thought.

As they walked towards the restaurant, located near the south end of the airport, Roy could have almost sworn he saw Link snicker evilly and mutter to himself. It sounded something along the lines of 'They're coming to get you my precioussss… Yes, they will…' Roy, hungry and freaked out, decided to walk ahead a few feet.

After traveling a long way from their own jobs, the three swordsmen arrived at the restaurant. It was a conveniently located McDonalds's. Not yet making it inside, Roy left his comrades and made a mad dash to the register. He leaned on the counter and flashed the blond woman working there a suave-like smile.

"Hello, there…" Roy's blue eyes quickly glanced at the woman's nametag. "…Freda."

Freda stared at her customer with much confusion.

The redhead began to count everything off on his fingers as he named them. "I want a Big Mac with extra cheese, extra onions, extra burger and extra whatever else is on that thing. By the way, which part of the burger is the 'Mac'?"

Before Freda could call security, Marth and Link ran in to save the day. Marth grabbed Roy by the shoulders, lifted him just inches off the ground, and moved him off to the side.

"Just get him some fries." Marth replied. He took over the order.

Roy pouted and went to look for a seat on his own. _Hmph. I'll make Marth sit on the floor. The evil, dirty, unsanitary floor. With the rats. And the mice. And the--- _Roy's thought's were cut short as Link had made his way through the tables and claimed one as his own.

"I CLAIM THIS TABLE IN THE NAME OF ENGLAND--- er, HYRULE!" shouted the purple-clad Link.

_Rats, _thought Roy. He walked over to the territory Link had claimed and sat down beside him. It was a booth seat near a window.

Shortly after, Marth returned with a tray of fries. He set it down on the table and took the booth seat across from the younger swordsmen.

Roy looked at the tray and then at Marth. "What, no drinks?"

"Quit complaining, Roy. The fries alone cost me ten bucks." Marth muttered and started to eat his fries one by one.

"Cheapskate." Roy said quietly to himself and shoved four fries into his mouth. Link ate quietly and decided not to interfere with the tension growing slowly beside him.

All was silent for a few moments, with the exception of the stares being aimed back and forth between Marth and Roy. Roy had stolen a straw from the straw holder while no one was looking. He peeled back the strawpaper a bit, put the end revealing the straw in his mouth, aimed, and fired.

The strawpaper landed in Marth's hair. He looked upward in displeasure.

Link was trying to hold in his laughter, while Roy did the opposite.

"Thank you for the lovely gift, Roy." Marth plucked the strawpaper out of his hair, rolled it into a ball, and tossed it into the trash can a few feet away.

_Why can't he just sit there and eat his lunch like a normal person? _Thought Marth. _It'd sure make my life easier…_

_Eheheheh…_ Link thought to himself. He smirked and then laughed maniacally out loud. "MWAHAHAHAHA!"

"Geez, Link. It wasn't that funny," Marth commented. Roy was too freaked by Link's laugh as he remembered what Link had done on their way to the restaurant.

Roy continued to eat his fries silently. Was he the only one who thought Link was up to something? _He _is _up to something. Something… evil. I know it. But what?_

All of a sudden, just as Roy was almost done eating his fries, two people jumped up from out of nowhere.

"BOO!" A man and a woman shouted loudly.

"SON OF A MOTHER!" shrieked Roy, literally scared out of his mind. The whole restaurant had been near silent until they had come.

They had appeared right behind Roy in the booth seat behind him. As nervous as the redhead had been before from Link's behavior, this was about to send him over the edge. Everyone who was in the McDonald's at the time began to laugh, for most of them knew who the man and woman were. Those who didn't stared at the others in confusion.

Marth raised an eyebrow amongst the laughter and chaos. _What the…?_

Roy's complexion turned a ghostly white and his large blue eyes became wider with fear. Link seemed oddly content.

"W-W-Who are y-you…?" Roy asked fretfully, shaking slightly.

"I'm Stacy! HEEHEEHEE!" shouted the demented woman.

"And I'm Clinton!" cried the man wearing a pink and purple flowered shirt.

"And we're from TLC's 'What Not to Wear'!" the man and woman shouted at the exact same time. They appeared to be on some sort of medication. Or drug.

Marth gave Link and confused look. Link returned it with a shrug and continued eating the rest of his fries.

Roy stammered, "Wh… What?"

Stacy flipped her medium-length dark hair with a gray streak on the top. "We've been watching you for the past few weeks and asking you questions about your wardrobe on camera, 'member?"

The redhead thought about the times a strange, deranged cameraman came up to him and started asking him who made his shirt. He thought it was a serial killer and started beating him unconscious with a carp.

"I… do…" Roy answered, his brain shorting out from all the excitement.

The girly-man with the flowered shirt pointed to Link. "Your friend here took us through a tour of your closet!"

"He… He… WHAT?!" shouted the confused redhead.

"Yeppers!" Stacy smiled a Martha Stewart evil smile. "And boy, are we glad he called us!"

"Yes! There were absolutely NO flowers on any of your clothes!" exclaimed the man. "It should be a sin!"

Roy's mouth dropped open as he turned to glare at Link. The Hylian was looking out the window and talking to a butterfly. He turned back around to the evil people threatening his 'bad sense of fashion'.

"But we're going to fix that!" shouted Stacy.

"Hey!" Roy scowled at the T.V. camera that had been following them around the whole time. "I don't dress bad!"

Stacy and Clinton scoffed. "Puh!"

"Honey, we've SEEN your clothes." Demented Stacy replied, rolling her eyes.

"Yes." Agreed Clinton.

Stacy started to pull something out from behind her back. It had the appearance of a small plastic card and she held it above Roy's head. "This is a credit card. There's five thousand dollars on it. It's all yours…"

Roy saw the SHINY Visa card hovering above his head. He reached for it. "OOH! MONEY!"

"… IF…" continued Stacy, trying to keep the card away from Roy, but he successfully grabbed it. Clinton unleashed his girly-man powers and hit Roy in the head, giving Stacy back the card. "… You agree to go to a far away land called New York for a week to spend all the money."

The redhead awakened from Clinton's pink butterfly attack. "YES! I WANT MONEY!"

"But wait! There's more! MEEHEEHEEHEE!" Stacy the Demented replied. "You have to agree to hand yourself over to us. Mind, body, and wardrobe! EEHEEHEEHEE!"

"GIVE ME MONEY!" Roy jumped up for the money, but landed on the floor. "EW! NOT THE RATS!"

The pyro quickly scrambled up and climbed into the seat beside Marth. Roy performed the fetal position and rocked back and forth muttering, "They're coming to take me away… Demento Woman and Sailor Girly-Man…"

Marth couldn't believe a word he was hearing. _Who are these freaks? And what in the world is 'TLC'? Tuna Lovers Census? Turquoise Leopard Convention?_

The Altean's thoughts were interrupted as Stacy and Clinton began to take Roy hostage.

"NOOOOO! I DON'T WANNA GO!" Roy cried as the team from television heck began to take him away.

Clinton grabbed the shrieking redhead, lifted him up, and began to leave with Demento Woman by his side.

Marth jumped up and yelled, "What the heck do you freaks think you're doing?! You can't just take him away like that!"

"Yes we can! MEEHEEHEE!" Stacy shouted.

"We have… THE POWER OF TELEVION!" pink and purple-clad Clinton added, also receiving a kick to the head from his red-haired hostage.

"PUT ME DOWN! UGH!" Roy began to cough. "You smell like perfume!"

Marth watched as Demento Woman left with her sidekick, Sailor Girly-Man. There was nothing he could do. Anger boiled inside of him as he sat back down.

Link was still talking to the butterfly. "Yes, you're very pretty! Flutter those wings! Flutter!"

Suddenly, the butterfly spoke. "Why, Link! I never thought you'd say something like that to me!"

The butterfly then revealed its true form…

"NAVI!" shrieked frightened Link. "OH MY STARS!"

"Serves you right." Marth muttered just as Navi flew away. "I can't believe you'd do something like that! What possessed you to call in some schizos, have them kidnap the kid, and insult his clothes?!"

Marth was equally offended, considering the clothes he wore were around the same ballpark as Roy's.

Link lowered his eyes and replied quietly, "Why? Why did I do it? AHAHAHAHA!"

"…" Was all Marth could say.

"I'll tell you why I did it! Because he ratted on me, THAT'S WHY!" Link shouted. Then remembering the situation on which he was ratted on, he lowered his voice. "I was just minding my own business early… very early… one morning. Just… borrowing some things from the store. And Roy… That evil red-haired deceiver! He told the police on me and soon it was ALL OVER THE NEWS! I couldn't take it! I was a man running from the law. Then one day while watching 'A Makeover Story' on TLC I saw it! It was the answer to my prayers! They would take Roy away and punish him for his wrongdoings! PUNISH!"

Marth, yet again, raised an eyebrow at his fellow swordsman from across the table.

Link scoffed, crossed his arms, and leaned back in his seat. "Well, at least I get some points for creativity."

"Link, you know what you have to do now, don't you?" Marth asked the blond flatly.

"Do I?" Link asked, scratching his head. Marth glared at him warningly. "Aw, geez. Fine."

Marth sighed and looked out the window. _Why us? Why do these things only happen to us?_

Link looked out the window and all was silent for a moment.

"Marth?"

"What?"

"Can I finish my fries first?"

---

Author's LONG Notes: ::re-reads chapter:: Dear Lord, I have I problem.

Marth- You watch too much television.

Well, there's not much on sometimes…

Marth- …

Alright, I watch too much TLC. But I can't help it! I love 'Trading Spaces'! And 'While You Were Out'! And 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition'!

Roy- But that's not on TLC!

Hm. You're right. I also realized I actually need some more AIRLINE stuff in here. Hence the title. I will, I promise. My weird mind wanted to do this since before I started this story.

Young Link- What happened to _me_?

You'll have to wait until the next chapter! By the way, this 'What Not To Wear' thing will probably end in the next chapter. It'll be short. What can I say, Link wants revenge.

Link- REVENGE! ::swings tuna around::

::ducks:: Alright. A new episode of 'Airline' actually came on while I was writing this. How snazzy. If you haven't seen 'Airline' before, you could look it up and possibly watch five or ten minutes of it, if you like that sort of thing. I do. And 'What Not to Wear'… Uh, you can watch it if you dare. It might make this little part of the story make more sense. Geez, I hate it when Clinton wears butterflies and flowers.

Roy- ::eating his airline peanut donations:: Why do you even watch it?

… I have no idea. I'm bored, I guess. Hey, Roy, I see you've found a solution to your problem. You decided what to do with those donations?

Roy- Yep! ::shoves a bunch into his mouth:: Thanks, Mallow-chan! ::wink, thumbs up::

That works. Oh, and Daikonran, I SO wish I knew where to get a Roy bobble head. I agree, it would look nice in a collection of Megaman bobble heads. Geez, I don't even have a Megaman bobble head. I have Japanese action figure though, does that count? His head keeps falling off. Anyway, if I see any Roy bobble heads of any kind, I'll let'cha know.

That's enough author's notes for today. I need SLEEEEEP… When 'Case Closed' ends, of course.

Conan- Not getting enough sleep affects the part of the brain called the fluphagooga that controls your sense of whoozits that makes you be able to stay awake. If you do not get enough sleep your fluphagooga will malfunction causing you to write demented fics like this about an airport, four swordsmen, and Sailor Girly-Man. Getting enough sleep affects the---

GOOD NIGHT everyone! And good evening, good morning, blah, blah, blah, you know the drill. Thanks again for the reviews!


	5. Clinton's Demise

Author's Notes:

Joe- Hello, friends! How are you today? Do you know what time it is, friends?

Friends- BLUE'S CLUES!

Joe- That's right! ::wiggles hairy caterpillar eyebrows:: And today we're---

What are you doing?! Get outta here! ::throws Joe into a plothole:: Hello, everyone! I've finally gotten around to writing this chapter! If I don't write one for awhile I start feeling weird.

Marth- Probably because you can't get all the 'stupid' out.

Yep. Stupidity backup. It's a horrible thing. Thanks for all the reviews! I never would have thought I'd get so many for this messed-up sense of humor I inhabit. Right now I'm watching 'America's Funniest Home Videos'. Maybe I'll get some ideas from that.

Marth- You don't always have to tell everyone what show you're watching. There's more to life than T.V.

Is there? ::turns to Roy:: Is there?

Roy- ::shrugs:: I dunno.

Anyhow, I promise I'll try to put Young Link in as much as I can this chapter. I sort of left him hangin', there. There's a small plot here, trust me. Genesis Pirate… I got you kicked out of the library?! Seriously? A thousand pardons and I promise you it was never my intention.

Three, two, one, GO!

-_My lines won't work right now! Darn it!-_

Marth sat warily at his station. As said before, it was an unusually slow day. Yet there were a few people that wouldn't get off his back. These people dwelled within the evil monsters called 'Greed' and wanted money, money, money.

"LOOK AT THIS!" a man grabbed Marth's collar and yanked his head down near a bag. "LOOK AT IT!"

The swordsman blinked. "What's the matter with it?"

The bald man standing on the other side of the counter across from Marth gasped loudly. His eyes bulged like the kind of fish Marth felt like slapping him with. "WHAT?! CAN'T YOU SEE?!"

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stop shouting…" the cobalt-haired swordsman was becoming frustrated with the spastic man. He then turned to look at the audience he was achieving and all the children in the airport staring at him while picking their noses. "You're creating a scene…"

The bald man in a golf attire imploded. "I DON'T CARE! IF IT TAKES A BIT'O SHOUTIN' AND SHRIEKIN' TO BE HEARD AROUND HERE THEN DAGGUMMIT, I'LL DO IT!"

"Honestly," Marth tried to calm the man down before the prince's evil side reared its head. "There's really nothing wrong with it."

Hands twisted into a knot, the bald man was also trying to keep his evil side to a minimum. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? HUH? DO YA?"

"No."

"I'M MR. WALTER B. CHROMEDOME! AND I SAY THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY BAAAAAG!" Mr. Chromedome began to throw a fit, which included jumping up and down like a fish outta water and waving his arms around like a nutcase.

Marth groaned out loud and replied in a pleading yet angry voice, "What is it then?!"

Mr. Chromedome once again grabbed Marth by the shirt and pulled him down towards the dark red bag. There in front of Marth's eyes was the tiniest little pull in the fabric he had ever seen. He almost reached for a magnifying glass to see the small stretched threads.

The swordsman blinked. He turned to face the man slowly and gave him an 'Are-You-Out-Of-Your-Mind?' look. The baldy replied with a 'See?-I-Was-Right-You-Smell-Like-Sauerkraut' glare.

"Well? How much money do I get?" asked the blatant Walter B. Chromedome.

Marth glared at the man, angry at all the crud he was putting him through on his second day. "Nothing."

"Excuse me, what?"

"Zero. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Nein. Nil. Nix. Naught. No. Nothin'."

Walter crossed his arms and pushed his golf hat further over his eyes. Trying to look tough like the Rock or something. "What do ya mean, nothin'?!"

Marth sighed and began to type on his computer in front of him. He brought up a program explaining in vague detail the rules and regulations of baggage claims.

"The kind of 'damage'…" Marth glared at the man wide-eyed and made 'air-quotes'. "… That you are complaining about is considered what we call regular wear and tear."

Mr. Chromedome was confused. "I don't get it."

"Wear. And. Tear. As in not our fault. As in a tiny scratch. As in we have nothing to do with it. As in it's your fault, you big dumb ape." Marth growled through his clenched teeth. There was a disturbing silence.

"… What did you just call me?"

-_Still won't work.-_

"Hello? Um, hello? Is… anybody here? Hellooo?"

Young Link wandered down the dark, abandoned hallway. He was all alone, lost and desperate to find his way back to his buddies. He hugged his recently stolen 'Young Link' plushie and turned to look around every corner.

The little Hylian cried out for some sign of life, but in return found none. After being blinded by the darkness for such a long time, Young Link broke down and fell on the floor. "I'M LOOOOOOOST!"

Then he began to go insane. "No one around… No one here… I'm… All alone… Pink… Flower… Daisies… Attack… Eheh heh… Heh heh… MWAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Young Link began to emit strange war cries and ran around like a crazed monkey who had just found out bugs were yummy. But this lead to his down fall, as he had been crazy for too long and collided with a wall or barrier of some kind.

Young Link's world went dark and he was now unconscious.

"Liiiiink… Liiiiink…"

The blond stirred. His eyes opened slowly and his vision began to clear upon hearing the voice. "Wha…"

"Coooome to meeee, Liiiiink…"

Young Link wobbled to his feet. He looked around, but of course he couldn't see anything anyway. He put his hands on his hips. "Hey, if you're looking for Link, go try to find some place that sells cottage cheese and try to lure him to ya, 'kay?"

"But you arrrre Liiiiink…"

"_No_, I'm _Young_ Link. Ya moron."

"Doooon't call meeee thaaaat…"

"Try and stop me, dumb disembodied voice in my head! I bet you're ugly!"

The voice didn't speak for a moment. Young Link continued. "Yeah! I bet you're ugly, stupid, and smell like the business end of a donkey!"

"To that I saaaaay…" the voice paused.

Suddenly, lights began to turn on all over the room Young Link had gotten lost in. The lights revealed a large dusty space, with cobwebs in almost every corner. There were chairs---very similar to the chairs in the regular part of the airport---turned over and broken all over the floor. The space was very large and much resembled the airport he didn't know he was still in. The smell was difficult to describe, but was similar to a damp morning and a dirty basement. It was quite uncomfortable for the young Hero Of Time.

Young Link's blue eyes widened as he started to walk among the room's disturbance. He tripped numerous times and decided he didn't want to be there any longer; where ever 'there' was. "Man, this place stinks! It's probably---"

"… YOU'RE RIGHT!" the voice continued the sentence he had started before.

All of a sudden, Young Link heard the ceiling creak quickly. Before he could sing 'Beans, beans, the musical fruit' a large, freakish looking, demon 'thing' fell from the ceiling on a string. It landed with a loud thud, nearly scaring Young Link out of his airline clothes he never gave back.

"AHHHH!" shrieked Young Link.

The demon thing began to rise slowly in front of Young Link. The little swordsman was freaked out beyond belief and tried to find an exit. He ran around the area and tried all the doorknobs he could find, but no avail. The thing began to chase him.

"EEHEEHEEHEE!" cried the thing, swooping everywhere.

Young Link was about ready to cry, but he couldn't due to the fact that he was running out of breath. "STAY AWAY YOU STUPID BOOGER!"

Young Link, about ready to jump out a window, saw a conveniently located counter top. Grinning evilly, he ran towards it. As he reached it, he made a sudden leap and dove to the other side of the counter. He crouched behind it.

"SWEET BROCCOLI!" Young Link heard the thing cry out as he tried to stop before he smacked into the counter. Too late. "EEEYAAAAAHHHH!"

CRASH!

All was silent for a few moments. The young Hylian stood up slowly, shaking. He peeked over the counter to see the mangled thing rammed into the counter while pieces of the counter fell onto the floor.

Young Link did his happy dance and sang one of the most annoying songs ever created. "I don't wanna be a chicken, I don't wanna duck, I just wanna shake my---"

"Oww, my head…" The thing began to float upwards and hovered about the counter. "Hey kid, you wouldn't happen to have any aspirin, would ya?"

"EEK!" cried Young Link, repeatedly punching the thing in the face.

The thing was extremely frightening. It appeared to be some sort of old, weird looking puppet, dirty and dusty. It looked worn and very, very scary. It would have made the Rock flee in terror.

"Ow… Ow… Ow…" the puppet said nonchalantly each time Young Link's small fist collided with its head. For he was a puppet and it didn't hurt. Much. "Oi! Lay off, Rambo!"

Young Link stopped and pointed to the old puppet. "What are you?"

"Me? Well, I'm…" the puppet reached behind its back and magically pulled out a television.

The television turned on and began to play an old show from long ago. The sound was a bit muffled, but could be made out anyway. On the screen was a woman with a puppet on her hand. _The_ puppet.

"IIIIIT'S… HOWDY DOODY TIME! IT'S HOWDY DOODY TIME!" Theme music began to emanate from the T.V.

The screen showed the too-cheerful looking woman bobbing her head along to the music. All of a sudden, the puppet's eyes began to turn red and demented. His creepy puppet-like smile turned into a devilish grin. He jumped off the woman's hand and began to go insane.

"AHHHHH! IT'S GONNA KILL US ALL!" came numerous shrieks from off-screen. People began to run everywhere as objects flew every which way.

The puppet was the popular Howdy Doody. And he had finally snapped.

The theme song began play once more, only more fitting to the situation. "IIIIIT'S… HOWDY DOODY TIME! HE ISN'T WORTH A DIME! WITH HIS EYES GLOWING RED! WE THINK HE WANTS US DEAD!"

"NYAAAAH!" came the final cry of a puppet scorned as the screen went black and the T.V. was turned off.

Young Link raised an eyebrow and his mouth had dropped open slightly. He looked at the floating puppet. "Was there a point to that?"

The puppet groaned angrily. "Don't you get it?! What you just saw was the end of a T.V. show LEGEND! That was ME, you nerd! I'm Howdy Doody! From the ever-popular kids show back in the 50's! Remember?"

"No…" Young Link looked confused. "I'm ten."

Howdy Doody sighed. "Kids today. So uncultured. Bah. Anyway, WELCOME TO MY HUMBLE ABODE!"

Young Link glared at the demon puppet.

"Let me put it this way: WELCOME TO THE CLOSED DOWN PART OF THE AIRPORT!"

"Ohh! Okay!" Young Link nodded and gave the puppet a thumbs up. "Now get me out of here."

"What? You want to leave? But… You just got here!" Howdy Doody pleaded. "You don't know how lonely it gets in a deserted part of an airport!"

"Listen, Howdy," The little blond patted Howdy Doody sympathetically on the shoulder. "I belong out _there_. In the _real_ word. And you belong here in this stink hole. Okay?"

Howdy Doody didn't like the idea, but gave in when he saw Young Link's understanding face. He had a soft spot for children. "Mmm… Fine. I'll take you back."

-_Why do it?-_

Roy sat upon a green plaid couch on a T.V. set, a camera two inches from his face. He glared into it. "Listen, camera thingy… STOP INVADING MY PERSONAL SPACE!"

The camera moved backward, frightened by the angry redhead. Roy was ready for his ruling for wearing 'ugly' clothes. He waited for Stacy and Clinton to arrive and ridicule him over nothing. Just as he was about to snap, the weirdos bounced into the room…

"Wassup!" Clinton entered beside his lover Stacy. He of course wore a pink and purple striped shirt with butterflies.

The two sat down beside Roy on the plaid couch. Roy gave them an evil look, narrowed his eyes, and slid away from them to the opposite side of the couch.

"Ooh, _someone's_ got an attitude problem!" Stacy began to talk like some insane teenager who had just got done listening to a whole slew of rap music. "Fo-rizzle!"

There was no reply from the other end of the couch.

"We're gonna show you a tape now, okay?" Clinton the Girly-Guy grabbed a black remote and began to toss it in the air. It spazzed and fell on his head.

Roy's eyes lit up. "T.V.? YAY!"

In the blink of an eye, the pyro appeared next to Stacy and Clinton.

"Okie-dokie! What we're about to show you is a feature presentation put together by yours truly! EEHEEHEEHEE!" Stacy laughed like a hyena with a disease.

"Yes!" agreed Clinton. "We like to call it… 'Why You Should Wear Butterflies'! Now, watch closely! This is important to you!"

Roy gave the two a questioning look as the T.V. began to play. On screen was Clinton in front of a child's drawing of the Statue of Liberty. Of course, Clinton was dressed up in his Sailor Girly-Man costume with a butterfly pendant in the middle, but no one is supposed to know. He was a hero! If his identity were revealed, he would lose his black talking dog Solar forever and the evil mastermind group known as the Butterfly Killers would take over the world!

But we don't care about that, do we? No.

Sailor Girly-Man, a.k.a. Clinton, stood in front of the drawing in a heroic pose. Theme music began to play as Clinton pretended to jump over the Statue of Liberty and other miscellaneous monuments drawn by children.

"FIGHTING EVIL BY MOONLIGHT! SAVING NATURE BY DAYLIGHT! WEARING PERFUME AND OTHER SMELLY THINGS! HE IS THE ONE NAMED GIRLY-MAN!" the theme music continued to play as Clinton began to breakdance on the Eiffel Tower.

"Wassup, my little Butterfly Scouts!" Clinton shouted and began to strike various random poses. "I'm Sailor Girly-Man and I'm here to teach you what not to wear! Or, what _to_ wear, rather. Let's start off the video with a example of what not to wear!"

Watching the video from the couch, Roy was slowly growing insane.

"AHH! MY EYES! THEY BURNETH!" cried Roy at the sight of seeing Clinton in spandex and a cheerleader/schoolgirl outfit.

"I know! It's SO awesome! My butterfly pendant is so sparkly!" Clinton clasped his hands together in awe of himself on the screen.

Demento Woman, a.k.a. Stacy, began to poke Roy repeatedly. "Eheh… heh heh…"

"EEP!" cried Roy, slapping Stacy on the hand.

"Owie!" shouted Stacy. The three of them went back to watching the 'movie'.

The first clip that was shown in Roy's lesson video was actually Roy walking down the streets near where the Smashers lived. At this time he was wearing a navy blue t-shirt with tan jeans. He was eating a cupcake and singing happily to himself.

In the studio, upon seeing himself, Roy cried, "That's me! … Hey, this isn't Spiderman 2!"

The clip continued. The happy redhead continued singing and eating his cupcake. "Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener! That is what I'd truly like to be! And if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener! Everyone would be in love with me!"

"FREEZE!" came a cry from off screen. Roy stopped singing and looked in front of him, only to come face to face with a television camera.

Roy hadn't known the camera was filming him and was quite confused. He looked directly at the camera suspiciously. "Hey, who are you? Why are you filming me? Did I do something wrong? Why are you here? Why are any of us here? Why---"

"SILENCE!" the cameraman shouted again. Roy stopped talking and took a bite of the cupcake he was holding. "TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE WEARING AND WHY YOU'RE WEARING IT! THREE, TWO, ONE, GO!"

Roy thought a moment. "Uh, why does it matter what I'm wearing? Can't you tell? Are you stupid?"

"NO MORE QUESTIONS! ANSWER ME!"

The pyro glared into the camera. He had thought it strange that someone with a camera would come up out of nowhere to him and ask him questions about his clothes. Yes, very unusual indeed…

"Hey, guy," Roy narrowed his eyes at the camera. "Are you some sort of stalker?"

"Um… no."

Roy gasped. "THEN THAT MUST MEAN YOU'RE SOME KIND OF SERIAL KILLER! YOU'RE… YOU'RE A BAD GUY!"

The cameraman didn't know what to think and was becoming frightened. "N-No! I'm not---"

And with a war cry of "GYAAAAAH!" Roy reached behind his back and magically revealed a carp. He began repeatedly beating the bejeebers out of the cameraman. The camera wobbled harshly back and forth as Roy's war cries and the cameraman's screams were the only noises heard. Besides the slapping of the fish, of course. The camera eventually landed on the ground in defeat, the view of it pointing down the street in the direction Roy was headed.

Roy began to walk down the street once more, cupcake in hand and singing. "My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R! My bologna has a second name, it's M-A-Y-E-R!"

Watching the T.V., Roy glared at Clinton who had been putting butterfly clips in Roy's hair during the entire showing. Roy took one off, pulled back a wing, and flung it in Clinton's eye.

The next clip started.

The next clip began inside the Smashers building. Link was in front of the camera and was talking into it while walking down the light blue-carpeted hallway.

"Okay." Link's voice was just above a whisper. "Today we're going inside Roy's closet. You have to see this, I swear he has NO butterfly clothes at all."

Watching on the couch, Roy's mouth dropped open. "LINK! YOU FINK! GO INHALE A CHEEZ-IT!"

Back on screen, Link had gotten to Roy's door. He opened it, revealing the inside of the redhead's room. Clothes were strewn all over the floor and almost every piece of furniture.

"Sweet Din! This place is a war zone!" Link tiptoed through the room, his destination: the closet. "If I could just… get… There! Finally!"

Link had made a triumphant pathway to the closet. He opened the closet door. Inside it was a massive amount of clothing. There were t-shirts, jeans, the outfit he wore when he fought, and…

"C'mere, check this out." Link motioned for the camera to get closer. "A CLOWN SUIT!"

Roy, who was watching the carnage on the screen, began to have a conniption. "THAT WAS FOR HALLOWEEN WHEN I WAS FIVE, YA MORON! SOMEOME CALL MY LAWYER! YOU CAN'T TREAT ME THIS WAY! I KNOW MY RIGHTS! I KNOW---"

Clinton tackled Roy and duck taped him to the couch.

Back on screen, Roy's 'buddy' was shoveling clothes out of his closet. Link was now trying on the clothes and going nuts in front of the camera.

"Lookit me! I'm a cowboy! WOOHOO!" the Hylian began to parade around the room as if he were on a horse.

Roy couldn't take it anymore. He un-duck taped himself from the couch. "He's going through my Halloween costumes! Don't tell me _that_ was how I got on this dumb show!"

"Well," Stacy mumbled. "That, and you need a makeover."

"WHAT!?"

"Yes!" cried Clinton. "Most of the time we do the makeovers after getting the clothes. But this time we're actually going to have some sense and do the makeover BEFORE we pick out clothes!"

Roy felt helpless. _I don't need a makeover,_ he thought. _I mean, come on! If I ever had any doubts about myself, I'd go to Dr. Phil, not these evil Valley Girls rejects._

"Hey man," Roy spoke to Clinton. "Follow me. I want to show you something."

"Ooh! Ooh!" Clinton clapped his hands together. "What is it? What is it?"

Roy smiled a smile of evilness. "It's a present."

"WHEEEE!" shouted Clinton as he stood up from the couch and began to follow Roy. "PRESENT FOR CLINTY!"

The swordsman led Clinton away from the couch and towards the other side of the set. Clinton began singing the Oscar Mayer song out of happiness as he waited anxiously for his present. Roy stopped when they reached a certain point. Putting on his best happy face, Roy began to point to a medium-sized vent located on the floor.

"There it is!" Roy shouted in fake happiness. "Isn't it awesome and SHINY?"

Clinton jumped up and down with joy. "YES! YES! PRESENT! GIVE! PRESENT!"

"Okay!" exclaimed Roy.

Roy reached behind his back and pulled out the carp that had disfigured the camera guy from before. He then walked over to the vent, bent down, and lifted the cover off of it. There was now a big hole in the floor where the vent was.

"OOH! FISHY!" Clinton yelled.

"SAY YOUR PRAYERS, SAILOR GIRLY-MAN!"

"What? How did you know my secret identity? I SHOULD REPORT YOU---EEEEYAAAAAAHHHHH!!" Clinton screamed as he was knocked out by a carp and shoved down the vent.

Roy grinned and put away his beloved carp. He thought that it would be appropriate to have a moment of silence for the deranged nature lover. But that only last around two seconds.

The fire swordsman dusted himself off. "Well! That was easier than I thought!"

He made his way back to the couch. Stacy was sitting on the couch, peeling potatoes.

"Peeling… Peeling… Peeling potatoes…" Demento Woman sang to herself. She turned when she spotted Roy with a jubilant look spread across his face. "Oh! Wazzup, man? Ready for a makeover?"

Roy's jaw dropped. "HECK NO!"

Stacy shrugged and grabbed another potato. "You will eventually. … Hey, look! Like, this potato looks like Drew Carey!"

Stacy held up the Drew Carey potato, which, Roy thought, did have a resemblance to the overpaid celebrity. He actually pondered about whether he should beg Stacy for it and put it in his collection of food celebrity look-alikes, but decided against it.

All of a sudden, there was a loud crash coming from the right of the room. Shocked, Stacy and Roy glanced over towards a shattered window. Glass shards lay spread across the floor.

"HOLY SNAPPLE!" cried Roy, for he was even more freaked out than before. Someone was breaking in!

Stacy jumped up and shrieked, "OH MY SNEAKERS! IT'S THE… THE…"

"What? WHAT?" shouted Roy.

"The… POTATO THEIF!"

"No!"

"Yes! He comes here every night, hoping to steal my celebrity potatoes right out from under my nose! It's horrible! Just horrible!" Stacy broke down on the floor and sobbed into the fetal position.

Roy's blue eyes looked around frantically, trying to spot the perpetrator who was lurking somewhere in the very room in which he stood. He hoped he could make it out of 'What Not To Wear' headquarters alive.

SWOOP!

A sudden gust of wind blew passed Roy and grabbed him. Roy was now flying on a rope through the demon headquarters!

"NOOO! PUT ME DOWN! I WANNA LIVE!" cried Roy. He didn't dare look at the ground many feet below.

"Dude, open your eyes!" the perpetrator yelled, getting ready to go through the now busted window.

Roy's eyes fluttered open. He was flying! It was so graceful, so peaceful, soaring above it all in the clutches of his savior…

"Whoa…" Roy's vision began to blur slightly. "Airsickness…"

"Here we goooo!" cried Roy's savior, doing a perfect imitation of Mario.

The redhead heard the voice and became confused. "Hey, you're Link! Or… is it Mario?"

"It's Link, doofus," the purple-clad Hylian replied, revealing himself as the perpetrator.

"Ohhh…" Roy replied like a Japanese woman. "Okay!"

The two swordsmen began to travel closer to the window, swinging on a rope. Where the rope was attached, no one ever quite knew. It was just there, swinging its lil' heart out.

The rope swung the two closer towards the window.

"SHIELD YOUR EYES!" cried Link.

Roy shielded his eyes with his arm just as they swung right out the window Link had come through in the first place. The remaining glass that had been left over immediately shattered as Roy and Link were now soaring through the air… on the rope…

"Wow, that was awesome!" the redhead exclaimed as they began to travel back to the airport on the rope.

Link flipped his hair. "Yeah, I know."

Roy watched the world go by. _How in the world are we still on this rope,_ thought Roy. But he decided he shouldn't question the laws of physics too much. After all, the rope saved his life. Then Roy remembered something important. "Hey! YOU'RE the one who put me in that stupid headquarters in the first place! AND YOU WENT THROUGH MY HALLOWEEN OUTFITS FROM WHEN I WAS A KINDERGARTENER!"

"I had to get you back somehow!" Link snapped. "You have no idea what you put me through!"

"Put you through?! I didn't do stink to you, spaz!" Roy was becoming angered that his friend had now given him reoccurring nightmares about Clinton in spandex.

"Don't try to save yourself now! I know it all… All your plans… to destroy me." Link began to go in split personality mode. "We knows it all, doesn't we, precioussss? Yes we does. We heards it from your own mouth, precioussss…"

Roy raised an eyebrow. "Link… shut up."

Link wouldn't hear of it. "I was just being innocent. Just borrowing some things from the store in the wee hours of the morning. And then _you_, of all people, ratted on me to the police! You told them I STOLE from the store! It wasn't stealing! It was borrowing! I learned how to borrow in preschool and MY MOMMY TOLD ME RIGHT FROM WRONG!"

"You mean the Deku Tree?"

"What?"

"The Deku Tree. You learned everything from the Deku Tree."

"… What are you implying?"

Roy sighed. He didn't have a clue what Link was talking about. "Listen, guy, I didn't do SMURF to you, alright? I have NO stinkin' idea what you're talking about."

Link thought a moment. "Seriously?"

Roy nodded.

"Hm… But they said two people ratted on me. I thought it was you and Marth!" Link explained his mistake.

Roy shook his head. "Nopers. Wasn't us. Wait a minute, how come you made MY life a living inferno and didn't do squat to Marth?!"

The blond thought for a moment. _If Roy and Marth didn't do it, who did? And if Marth didn't do it either, then that means…_

"Uh… I _did_ do something."

_-End of Chapter-_

Author's Notes: Geezy Pete. Nine pages for that? Ah, well. I just wanted to get the 'What Not To Wear' thing out of the way and back on the track I was never on. Man, my usual lines wouldn't work today. That makes me mad. Grr.

Roy- ::eating Drew Carey potato:: Hey, this ain't bad! ::munch munch::

Roy! Don't eat the Drew Carey potato! I was going to turn that in to Guinness!

Roy- Oh well. ::munch munch::

Drat. ::sigh:: I'm getting angry with Disney lately. It's getting very redundant and weird. 'Brandy & Mr. Whiskers'? What the Fred?! I miss the old days of Disney when they showed 'Mary Poppins' and 'Planet of the Apes'…

Marth- What did I say before?! There's more to life than television! Go do something physical!

What about DDR?

Marth- ::sigh:: I'm outta here.

Yeah, you do that. Anywho, Roy is now accepting all donations for airline peanuts and/or celebrity potatoes. If YOU have a celebrity potato just waiting to be discovered, turn it in to us! We'll gaze over it with awe…

Roy- ::finishing off Drew potato:: ::CRUNCH!::

… If Roy doesn't eat it first. In other news, thanks again for the reviews! I hope we continue to engage our services for your reviewing pleasure. Thank you all and goodnight! Please drive safely! Hugs, no drugs! And remember: always buckle up!


	6. How the Parasol Came to SSBM

Author's Notes: Hey, ya'll! I've had a very weird week. And what better way to celebrate that than with another chapter?

There was a question in one of the reviews about whether Howdy Doody was a real show. My answer is yes. Scary, isn't it? Howdy Doody was a talking puppet and the star of his own kids show around the 50's. You've probably heard the tune to the theme before. I'll bet that if you typed 'Howdy Doody' in the internet search bar, you'd see some really weird pictures and info on it. Try it if you want, I won't stop ya.

Uh, just so you don't get freaked out or something, I wasn't alive in the 50's.

Roy- MWAHAHAHAHA!

Dear Lord, what did you find?

Roy- We have a few additions to our celebrity tater collection!

Ah, I see. Care to elaborate?

Roy- …

Wanna explain'em?

Roy- Oh. Yes. PIRO donated a potato that has a striking resemblance to Raven from Zoids. ::holds up tater::

OOH! I WANT IT!

Roy- Too bad. Anyway, our next famous tater belongs to Mallow-Chan. She donated a potato that looks similar to Mimi from the Drew Carey Show!

Aye… You can keep that one.

Roy- Well, thank you! ::eats it::

I… I can't believe you just did that! That was a rare potato! Now I only have one tater to send to Guinness and I don't want to give it up!

Roy- It's your fault for not starting the chapter yet.

Huh? Oh, durnnit all.

-_In the air...-_

They had traveled through harsh winds, hail, and thunderstorms. The pouring rain doused all hope of returning to the beloved airport that allowed them to work together for a common good. Under the pressure, the mysterious airborne rope that held the two swordsmen's lives in its hands was slowly becoming unraveled. Surely if it were to break it would bring upon great destruction and chaos throughout the land.

Really, if it were that dramatic, Dr. Nofly would have made a heroic escape through the jungles of Africa and the Rive Nile to save Earth from certain doom. But it didn't end up that way.

"Uh, Link? How long are we going to float on this rope?" Roy asked wearily as he soared through the air with his pal.

Link sighed. After all, he had his own problems to worry about. _I'm so sorry, Marth,_ thought Link. He then answered Roy, "All in good time, my friend. All in good time."

Roy didn't like that answer, scowled, and shortly moved on.

-_Back at the airport...-_

"Great. While Roy and Link are out there shoppin' for clothes, I'm stuck here running everyone's job!" Our favorite blue-haired swordsman Marth had begun to come unglued.

While the older Hylian was being a superhero and saving Roy from all the horror that was Sailor Girly-Man, Marth had been stuck taking over their jobs. All three jobs at once. How is that possible, you ask? We'll just say… Marth has fairy godparents.

"Hello! I'm Cosmos!" A small fair-like creature came out of nowhere. Its hair appeared to have a greenish tint to it, as well as a crown and wings.

"And I'm Rhonda!" A second creature came, only donning pink hair and looked very similar to the one who called himself Cosmos, except Rhonda had an eyepatch. They both had what appeared to be magic wands and popped up one at a time in a cloud of smoke.

"And we're…" The two fairies said in unison. They suddenly teleported right in front of Marth's face and shouted, "FAIRY GODPARENTS! HEAR US ROAR!"

Marth jumped back at the sight of the two unnatural figures floating in front of him. "What the heck are you?!"

The pink fairy sighed. "We just told you, you ungrateful twit!"

"Yeah!" cried the green fairy. "Now you have to do everything I say! GO INHALE A CHEEZ-IT! GO JUMP IN LAKE SUPERIOR! TIP A COW! SNIFF A MOOSE!"

"Shut up!" Marth smacked Cosmos with a rainbow trout.

"AHHHHH…!"

Cosmos flew into a non-existent plothole where he was dumped onto another ungrateful child named Jimmy. Jimmy did not care for such intrusions and sent his evil babysitter, Mickey, onto a wild rampage. Mickey chased Cosmos through the Himalayas and was never seen again.

All was silent back at the airport. Rhonda sighed in disbelief. "Well, now you've done it, dirtbag! Our magic won't work now that we're apart! I must leave you now and never return!"

Marth didn't give a squid.

The pink pirate-eyed fairy began to fly out the window. "Goodbye, my ungrateful little sleezeball! May we never meet again…! Gooodbyyyyeee…"

Rhonda's voice faded into the distance. Marth blinked at the window. _What a couple of nutjobs. I must be working too hard._

Marth walked reluctantly over towards Roy's station were he was spending most of his time. No flights were leaving just yet, but passengers were getting their luggage checked in and running it through baggage checking. _Geez, what's taking them so long?_ Marth asked himself. _All he had to do was break into 'What Not To Wear' h.q. without getting seen, steal Roy, and magically fly him back here. How hard is that?_ The prince of Altea stood behind the desk. He glanced around for a moment; there was no one around to be checked in. _Eh, what's a little nap going to hurt?_ Marth sat back in the chair, propped his feet up with the desk, and began to sleep.

All bliss was short-lived as Marth awoke to a weird buzzing noise. His eyes slowly opened as he began to look around. _What in the world is that sound? Is something malfunctioning?_ The swordsman stood up, dusted himself off, and began to look for the supplier of the noise. He looked on the baggage cart, he glanced all around his desk and around the other bags, and then around the chair he had been sleeping in. The only thing he hadn't done was get on his knees and look on the ground. He did so.

_Nothing here… Or here… Nope, not here… _Marth searched continuously for the trouble. It was then that, just as he began crawling away, his foot was caught on what seemed to be a strap of some kind. He felt vibrations from off of the strap on his leg.

"What the…?" Marth looked behind himself and saw his leg caught on a purple bag. "The bag is… vibrating…"

Marth was becoming very frightened. He got up of the ground, grabbed the bag carefully, and sent it on the desk in front of him. He pulled out some safety gloves from the compartment under his desk and began to curiously examine the bag. The vibrating began to get faster and harsher, freaking Marth out.

"OH DEER! IT'S A BOMB!"

-_Floating above it all...-_

"Link, I'm durn serious now. Get us back to the airport now or I swear I'll sing!"

Link glanced down at his red-haired passenger. "I'm goin' as fast as I can, alright? Gimme a break."

"GIMME A BREAK! GIMMIE A BREAK! BREAK ME OFF'A PIECE OF THAT KIT-KAT---"

"ROY! SHUT YOUR YAMMERIN' SKULL CAVE!"

And they floated along…

_-In the airport...-_

"Call 911! Someone call 911! OH, THE HUMANITY!" Marth shrieked and ran in circles around 'his' workspace. The bag continued to vibrate on the desk.

Soon, after hearing that a bomb was in the airport, hundreds of people started screaming and rushing around. A giant mob grew around the exiting doors and children were crying for their lives.

"Women and children first!" A random man shouted from a spot somewhere.

"Hey! Who made you Mr. Bossman?!" shouted another.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" cried some random kid.

"GAH! I CAN'T TAKE THE SCREAMIN' ANYMORE!" shouted an enraged Scotsman.

"That's it! I don't give a flying freebie if anyone else gets out! I'm selfish and annoying and I SAY THAT I GET OUT BEFORE EEEEVERYBODYYYYY!" screamed a blue-haired swordsman. He stopped. "Wait, that didn't come out right..."

Everyone in the mob at the exiting turned and glared evilly at the Mario Bros. International employee. Marth took a step back, his hands in front of him in defense.

"Um…" stammered Marth. He then reached behind his back and pulled out something extraordinary. "I have a rare jumping flooglefish…?"

"GET'IM!"

"YARRRRRR!" came the cry of an angry crowd as Marth ran for his life.

_-In the clouds...-_

"And we were sailing along… On Moonlight Bay…"

"Roy. No. More. Songs."

Roy gazed tiredly straight ahead of him. He looked around himself, wondering if they would ever make it back to their jobs at this speed. "Just trying to lighten the mood."

Link answered flatly, "It ain't working."

"Well, PUH. That's just too bad. 'Cause I'm gonna keep doing it anyway!" Roy declared his announcement, receiving a hopeful look from Link. "MYYYYY…"

"Oh, Lord, save me…"

"… BOLOGNA HAS A FIRST NAME! IT'S O-S-C-A-R! MY BOLOGNA HAS A SECOND NAME…"

_-Airport of Horrors...-_

"OH! OH, THAT HURT! SWEET FLOOGLEFISH! YOU COULD AT LEAST WATCH YOUR AIM WITH THAT CANE, GRANNY SMITH!"

All who had heard his selfish declaration at the mob scene was repeatedly beating the bejeebers out of Marth. He tried to escape, but in vain.

"WHY IN THE NAME OF NAOMI FLUGAL ARE YOU BEATING ME TO A PULP?! LAY OFF, WILL YA?!" Marth attempted to swat the mob's hands away from him as they began to beat him with a cantaloupe.

"FIX IT! FIX IT! FIX IT NOW!" chanted the crowd.

_Oh, yeah, I forgot about the bomb. Wait… there's a BOMB IN THE AIRPORT! I completely forgot! _Marth thought to himself in panic and escaped the horror. The prince of Altea ran towards the bag. It continued to vibrate and Marth was at a loss. _What should I do,_ he thought again in panic. _I can't just leave the bag here! What about all the people? I have to do something! I WILL do something! I'll be a hero again! Yes! YES! YEEEES!_

Snapping once again, Marth let out a war cry. "I… have… THE POWERRRR!"

_-Sailing along...-_

"… DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU'LL SURVIVE IN HERE… YOU DON'T SEEM TO KNOW WHICH CREEK YOU'RE IN! SWEET CORN IS THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES IT---"

"OKAY!" shouted Link and wrapped is hands around Roy's mouth. "That's where I draw the line!"

"Mmph mph mphmphmph!" Roy tried to pry himself free from Link's grasp.

Link shouted back at Roy, struggling to keep his grip on the rope and Roy at the same time. "If I _EVER_ hear that nasty song again, you will be thrown into a pit of rabid cockatoos that have came in contact with Chemical X!"

"Mmph… mmph… MMPH!" Roy managed to open his mouth wide and bite down hard on Link's hand.

"AHHHHHH!" shrieked the blond. "YOU CANNIBAL! OH, _SNAPPLE_! THE PAAAAAIN!"

Roy chuckled to himself. "Eheheheheheh…"

The pyro watched as Link held his hand towards the Heavens and pray for help. But since they were in air and the middle of nowhere, not much happened, there. After watching Link whine for a few minutes, Roy thought he saw out of the corner of his eye something floating in mid-air.

"What the…?" Roy asked to himself as Link continued to cry in pain. He looked around quickly and eventually spotted what he had seen. "Hey! T-That's… Hey, Link!"

Link emitted a cross between a whine and a sob. "Whaaaaat?"

"Look!"

Link's tear-stained eyes looked in the direction Roy was pointing. "It's… It's an umbrella! It's just floating there!"

"Exactly! So quit cryin' over nothing and grab it! It'll probably be quicker than this hunk'a junk." Roy demanded.

The rope became angry at Roy's accusation. "Hey, man, like, why you gotta be like that? It's, like, so totally gnarly, dude. You, like, make me sick."

Then in one swift movement, Billy the Magic Rope swung backwards and then flung the two swordsmen off of him. Billy continued to whistle 'Come On, Get Happy' as he floated back to the depths from which he came. Or wherever he came from.

"AHHHHH!"

The two swordsmen were now flying through the air!

"GRAB THE UMBRELLA, LINK! GRAB IT!"

Link made an effort to grab the umbrella. He was successful in his attempt and breathed a sigh of relief. "Yes! I got it!"

Roy was bug-eyed and panicking, for he was now falling in air. "NOW GRAB ME, LINK! GRAB _ME_!"

"Oh!" Link remembered his falling buddy and took control of the umbrella.

Roy was thinking about writing his will when Link moved closer to him and grabbed his arm. The Hylian pulled Roy along and allowed him to grab the umbrella's handle.

The redhead was breathing heavily after his near-death experience. He slowly turned to glare at Link with the move evil glare he could muster.

Link looked at Roy and chuckled nervously. "Heh… Whoops."

"Yeah. _Whoops_."

_-Airport...-_

Young Link ran in to the middle of the airport with Howdy Doody floating by his side. "There he is! There's one of my friends!"

The little Hylian started to run to the now snapped Marth, who was trying to defuse the bomb in the bag by smacking it with a baseball bat. "Sa-WING, batter, batter, batter!!"

"Wait! Link! Come back!" The old puppet called to Young Link.

"GAAAAH!" Young Link spazzed and began to charge after the puppet. "I TOLD YOU, YOU STUPID PILE OF BOOGERS! MY NAME IS _YOUNG_ LINK! YOUNG!! LINK!! YAAAAAAAAR!"

"Eep!" Howdy Doody tried to float away, but he just wasn't fast enough. Young Link caught up with the puppet, grabbed him by his pants, and flung him into the nearest dumpster. "WE WILL BURY YOUUUU…!"

Howdy Doody was never seen again. What a shame. Let's all have a moment of silence.

…

"Marth! Marth, stop! What are you doing to the bag?" Young Link asked his buddy when he reached him. "Why do you keep hitting it like that?"

"Because it won't DIE!!" Marth continued to kill the bag with the bomb inside. _Die, die, die!!_

Just then, there was a slight rumbling noise. The ground vibrated slightly.

"AH, that's it! The end of the world! We're all gonna die! AHAHAHAHA!" cried Marth as he dove under the desk.

"What are you talking about?" Young Link asked. Suddenly, a piece of ceiling fell and landed on his head. "Ouch! … Oh, no! The sky is falling!"

More pieces of the ceiling fell onto the ground. It began to rain ceiling everywhere and the airport's customers took this as another time to panic.

"IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE!"

"IT'S THE SKY!"

"IT'S THE EVIL FROAD ARMY!"

"AHHHH! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

The crumbling and vibrations stopped suddenly. Everyone froze and looked up at the middle of the ceiling. That certain spot began to crack. The crowed watched in sheer bewilderment.

A man standing closest to the spot suddenly pointed and shouted, "She's gonna collapse!"

Everyone stared at the spot until…

"AHHHHHH…!"

Thud.

A pile of airport ceiling lay in the middle of the floor. Everyone stepped in closer with curiosity. A little boy with a lollipop, around the age of five, walked up to the pile. He gently tapped a piece of rubble. "H-Hello?"

Roy shot out of the pile. "LOLLIPOP!"

"AHH!" shrieked kid. "MINE!"

Link shot out of the pile second. "BEEZLEBUB!"

"AHH!" shrieked the kid. "MONSTER!"

The boy ran back and disappeared into the crowd. Roy shook his head quickly and let the pieces of ceiling fall out of his red hair. Link did the same, stood up, and held the umbrella over his shoulder. "Wazzup?"

Marth crawled out from under his desk and approached his fellow swordsmen, as did Young Link. "What in the world is going on?!"

"Yeah!" exclaimed Young Link, threatening Roy and Link with his plushie of himself. "You guys are in BIIIG trouble!"

Roy stood up and walked over to Young Link. "Oh, yeah? Says who?"

"Says _me_." Marth replied.

"Oh, okay."

Link cleared his throat. "_Ahem_. And may I be the first to… apol… apolo… Uh…"

Marth raised an eyebrow. "Apologize?"

The Hero of Time shuddered. "Yeah. That's it."

"Um, people?" Young Link called from the desk. He was pointing to the evil bag. "That's nice and all, but we've got a bigger problem on our hands!"

The blue-haired swordsman's eye twitched. "Oh… Right. The… bag."

"What's wrong with the bag?" Roy asked Young Link when the pyro reached the desk at his station.

"There's a bomb in it."

"A BOMB?!"

Marth became frantic. "Yes, a bomb! And I don't know what to do about it!"

KA-BLOOOOOOOEY!

All of a sudden, the doors to every exit in the airport exploded and performed a perfect mushroom smoke-cloud. The bright light mixtures of bright orange and yellow blinded everyone who resided in the airport.

"Ach, lassie! I can't see!" cried the Scotsman.

The smoke cleared rather quickly. Standing in its place was the SWAT Team, the Marines, and the National Guard.

"We heard there was a bomb around here somewhere!" cried a SWAT Team member.

Another SWAT member looked towards the swordsmen. "There it is!"

"Quick! Secret Agent Brown! Secret Agent Fuchsia! Diffuse the bomb!" shouted the SWAT leader.

The SWAT Team moved into the area and ran towards the bag, machineguns in hand. Pushing the Smashers out of the way, SWAT leader Davis leaned towards the vibrating bag and listened to it. "Alright. Now, when I say 'Three, two, one… KING KOOPA!' Secret Agent Brown and Fuchsia, you move in and shoot the bomb! Three…! Two…!"

Marth almost choked on his saliva. "Shoot it?!"

"Yes. Shoot it. What, you got a better idea?"

The Altean threw his arms in the air in defeat and began to walk away. "No, of course not."

"Okay. ANY-way, before I was so _rudely_ interrupted," the SWAT leader continued. Marth stuck his tongue out at him. "Three…! Two…! One…!"

The SWAT leader lifted the flap of the bag in an upward thrust. Everyone stared at the open bag, including the SWAT members. Marth almost had a heart attack.

The older swordsman ran to the bag and glanced inside. He turned pale. "It's… It's… It's…"

Young Link shoved the stunned Marth out of the way and stood on tiptoe to see inside. "It's… a clock!"

The crowd began to clamor and sigh sighs of relief. Marth was twitching at the sight of the Mickey Mouse clock lying where he could have sworn a bomb would be.

The clock suddenly rang. "Dingle-lingle-lingle-ling! It's three o'clock! Hahahaha!"

"Gah. Curse you, Mickey Mouse…" Marth muttered. "Curse you…"

Link fake-gasped. "Oh! I wonder who put that there?"

Roy raised an eyebrow. "Why?" Then he got the picture. "Ohh…"

Marth began frothing at the mouth and turned quickly to Link. "_You_…"

"M-Me?" Link stuttered. He laughed nervously. "Heh…"

"…" Marth glared at Link dementedly and began to walk towards him.

Link's eyes became wider as he saw an un-therapied Marth walking his way. "Um…"

Marth growled at him.

"I DIDN'T DO IT!" Link screamed and took off down the airport. Marth, with a great lunge, dashed after him.

Roy and Young Link watched as Link and Marth ran every which way.

"Well, that was fun." Young Link exclaimed flatly and crossed his arms.

"Where were you all this time, Young Link? I didn't hear your annoying booger-snot NAGGING for a few hours, there." Roy replied flatly, watching Marth whip out his bluegill and chase Link with it.

"Hey!" Young Link shouted. "Don't be making fun of _me_, cauliflower head! I'm not the one who got chosen for some dumb T.V. show because I dress bad!"

"I do NOT dress bad! Those were my Halloween costumes, you nerd!" the red-haired swordsman shouted back.

Young Link scoffed. "Oh, sure! It's like, 'Lookit me! I'm Roy! I dress up like a cowboy in the middle of the night when no one's looking!'"

Roy became frustrated. "And how would YOU know, dress-boy?!"

"IT'S NOT A DRESS! YAAAAAAAAAAR!!"

Young Link jumped onto Roy's back.

"AHH! GET OFF ME!" cried Roy as he was tackled to the ground.

The little blond began to jump on top of Roy. "TAKE THAT! AND THAT! AND THAT!"

"MOMMMMMYYYYY! SAVE MEEEEE!" Link literally cried as he whizzed past the other two swordsmen, frantic.

"MOMMY CAN'T SAVE YOU NOW, LINK! NO ONE CAN! NO ONE! AHAHAHA!" Marth growled loudly and dementedly continued to pursue Link.

"YOUNG LINK! YOU SPAZZY LITTLE DEMON SPAWN! GET OFF!" Roy attempted to push the spazzoid off of him as Young Link continued to jump on his stomach.

All everyone could do was stare. Stare at the helpless victim of Young Link's temper-tantrum wrath, stare at the poor guy running from a rabid swordsman with blue hair, and stare at the gigantic hole in the ceiling of Mario Bros. International Airport.

As the airport went straight to the fiery inferno, no one was ever the same again.

-_Epilogue-_

Three swordsmen sat in the living room of the Smasher's apartment house. Marth was silently reading the paper in his chair. Link had found a new hobby recently and was arranging his collection of paper clips. Roy was sitting on one end of the couch. He had a black eye on his left eye, a broken wrist, and a cracked rib. Young Link sat in the corner of the room in a small child-sized chair facing the wall. The chair had a piece of paper taped to the back of it that read, 'Time-Out'.

All was silent. Dead silent.

A few minutes later, Zelda walked through the doorway. "Hey, guys! How's it going?"

She stood in the living room's entryway, expecting some sort of response. When she received none, she began to walk among them slowly.

"Hello, Marth! What are you doing?" Zelda asked cheerily as she bent down to look at the newspaper Marth was holding. She brushed her light blond hair away from her face.

"I'm… relaxing." Marth replied quietly, and then asked, "What time is it?"

Zelda glanced up at the clock on the wall. "About three-fifteen, why?"

The Altean stood up very serene-like, folded his paper neatly, and set it gently on the chair. "Medication."

Marth walked out of the room.

Zelda blinked. "O… kay…"

The ruler of Hyrule looked to her left and saw Roy sitting on the couch, looking pitiful and scowling. Zelda's eyes widened at the sight of the pyro looking like he had a dreaded accident at a theme park. On her way over to him, Zelda passed Link, who was still arranging his paper clips.

As she walked passed him, Link held a clip in the air and exclaimed, "I will call it Billy Bob!"

"That's nice, Link." Zelda quickly patted Link on the head and continued towards Roy. She bent down to look at him. "Sweet Din, Roy! What happened to you?"

Roy looked up at Zelda with his good eye and pointed painfully towards the corner of the room. "He happened."

Zelda glanced over at Young Link. He was tipping his chair back and supported it by pressing his feet against the wall. She turned back to the redheaded outpatient. "I know something that'll make you feel better."

Roy stared at Zelda as she took out a pink permanent marker. She took off the cap and gently grabbed Roy's cast-covered wrist. Then she began to write on it. When she was finished, she put the cap back on and patted Roy on the head. Zelda stood up and walked over to Young Link.

Roy glanced down at his cast, which now had 'Tough Luck! Love, Zelda' written on it in pink permanent ink. Roy blinked.

"Hey, troublemaker," Zelda playfully tugged on Young Link's hair. "What did you do this time?"

Young Link tipped further back in his chair. "Nothin'."

"Are you sure?" Zelda stood beside the guilty child and crossed her arms.

Young Link couldn't resist. "Well… I _may_ have done a little something…"

"Right. Did you apologize?"

"Hm…" Young Link thought a moment. "I don't remember."

Zelda sighed and looked at Young Link. "Remember our deal, Link?"

"What deal?"

"Those temper tantrums are getting way out of hand. You could have hurt someone, you know?"

"WHADDYA MEAN 'COULD HAVE'?!" Roy shouted from the couch.

"I guess we have no choice." Zelda stood up.

Young Link looked up at her, his blue eyes wide with panic. "What? WHAT? What are you gonna do to me?! DON'T THROW ME IN THE SLAMMER! I'M TOO YOUNG! ZELDA! NOOOOO!"

"I'm afraid it's time." Zelda bent down, picked up Young Link, and swung him over her shoulder. "Time to go set up a therapy appointment."

"NOOOOO!"

Zelda patted Young Link on the back. "Don't worry about it! Marth goes there all the time!"

Visions of Marth snapping, going insane, and beating people senseless with a bluegill flashed in Young Link's mind. He began to kick and scream as Zelda hauled him out of the room. All was silent.

"Lookie! I will call it Papa Smurf!" cried Link, breaking the silence and holding up another paper clip.

Roy sat silently on the couch, injuries and all. _Yes… Finally! They're coming to take him away! Finally… I have… my revenge!_ Roy thought as he grinned slightly.

All is good in the world of therapy and Super Smash Bros. Melee.

_-Fin-_

Author's Notes: If you couldn't tell, this was the last chapter of 'Airline!'. A bit sudden, I am aware. But I started writing this and started bringing everyone back together again at the airport and realized; this would make a nice ending! I really wanted to get started on my next story. I think I'll have fun with it, considering how much I miss writing my other one.

On another note; I had to re-separate all my paragraphs and such! How annoying...!

I can't believe I put that song from Conker's Bad Fur Day in there. I was just sitting there thinking, you know, maybe I _could_ put that in somewhere. So, thanks for suggesting it. I didn't put the full song in there of course for… obvious reasons.

Roy- Thank Pete! I may look cool singing it, but this is a PG fic. I think. I think I think. I think I think I think. I think I---

Marth- SHADDAP! I-I mean, politely be quiet, Roy.

Roy- Um… okay. ::eats donated airline peanuts::

Hm. Anyway, I'm EXTREMELY sorry I ended it all of a sudden. But I planned to within the next chapter or so anyway. I knew it wouldn't be a very long story. And right now, I need a snack.

Roy- ::hugs airline peanuts:: Mine.

Oh, come on, Roy! You can share!

Roy- No.

Well, fine. You still won't get rid of me.

Roy- Durnnit!

Link- ::holds up a paper clip:: … AND I NAME THIS ONE FRED!

Young Link- ::comes back from first day of therapy:: Aw, SHADDAP! I mean, politely be quiet!

All of you be politely be quiet. Man, is there a gas leak in here?

I hope you enjoyed the story! I worked very hard on it and got ideas from reviews as well. Thanks for all your help in making the story! May the force be with you! Love and peace! Always buckle up! And remember: SSBM is good for your health! Don't let anyone tell you different!

Swordsmen- Right!

Goodbye!


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